Chase
by eyesofcoal
Summary: If Leah thought being a female shapeshifter was complicated before, now she was attracting mates? Great. If Jacob wants her, he's going to have to be the first to catch her...he better decide fast if he wants his Beta to become his Alpha Female. L/J
1. Let the Games Begin

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**Chapter 1 "Because I've never mixed well with alcohol or love."**

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Dig your ditch deep enough  
To keep you clear of the sun  
You've been burned more than once  
You don't think much of trust

Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has,  
Lord it takes a lonely one to wish she had never dreamt at all.

Oh Look now, there you go with hope again  
But I'll be sure your secrects safe with me  
Oh you're so sure I'll be leaving in the end  
Treatin me like I'm already gone.  
But I'm not.  
"Carve Your Heart Out" -Dashboard Confessional

I had always gotten the short end of the stick in life. And in love. This fact was only strengthened by the events that started back then. I remember them all so clearly. Thats how it all began... my descent into madness.

'Everything that meant something to me is gone. Lost.'

That was the only thought coursing through my mind as my human body stood in the rain, scantily clothed and barefooot in the middle of a dark forest. It had to be well past midnight by now- I had been wandering for hours since I first snuck out of my window. I didn't dare phase- I wanted to be alone, particularly in my head. Especially tonight. Besides, the feeling of cool summer rain on your skin was much more inviting than wet fur. This clearing...this small patch of meadow- I wasn't sure how long I had been here, but I just stood unmoving. Hours or minutes, however long it would take for clarity to crawl up out of the forest and hit me, I would stand here. Yet, it didn't seem like it was coming. I never did get what I deserved. Clarity, understanding- these were just a fraction of the needs I had been denied over the years.

'What is wrong with me?'

I stayed abnormally quiet, as though I would scare away any answers that might creep upon me if I were to let loose the screams toiling inside my soul. Its nothing new. These are all the same questions that have been with me from the beginning of this nightmare. Unanswered questions and painful thoughts that swirled within me when I simply couldn't stand to block it all out anymore.

I had done much better lately. I had to compliment myself on that. Even the boys noticed how tolerant my thoughts had been these days. Perhaps not pleasant, but easier to deal with. I suppose it was because I was getting better at being absent from my own self. Disconnected as some would call it. Jacob noticed too, and disapprovingly warned me that such detachment was unhealthy. He, of course, knew from personal experience.

What did he know? Surely he didn't even remember his pain now, the pain of heartbreak- not now that he had his Nessie. He wouldn't remember anything before her. Just as Sam couldn't remember how it had felt to love me after he imprinted on Emily. No, Jacob would certainly be blinded by the small creature, not recalling the feelings he may have had for anyone before the moment he laid eyes on _her_. Of course, for now they would be friends- big brother and little sister, a platonic sort of love, but later- they would have what I never would.

I had to push all these thoughts out now. Let them go and then safely tuck my feelings away once more as soon as I left here. I was Jacob's Beta- I was strong- a cold harpy bitch who spat sarcasm wicked enough to cut anyone down. I could never let my pack glimpse these- these weaknesses within me. Scars that had been left on me by men in my life who came and went as if it were nothing. As if I were nothing. Another deep breath.

I could smell the rain, the fresh grass and wood from the surrounding forest. There was no one for miles. Briefly, I remembered how nice the weather was earlier. I dwelt on the serenity of First Beach as the sun had set. The perfect backdrop for their wedding. Of course everyone was there- well, with some exception. I should be furious- I should have told her where to shove her dress the moment she asked me to be a bridesmaid. But somehow, I just felt empty. I politely declined, making up a pathetic excuse that I can't even recall now- something out of character for me, but the pain that leaked from my chest at that moment was unbearable. It was if I was reliving the moment Sam broke my heart all over again. I had avoided phasing for a straight week after the encounter, just to avoid the pity. Come to think of it, I had avoided phasing ever since the wedding had become an issue. Looking back now, I was stupid for even peeking in on the ceremony.

I had to see it. The wedding she stole from me. The happily ever after that should have been mine. I was happy for them both, I truly was- I loved them enough to want the best for them and the best for them now was each other. Emily, my make-shift sister who had grown up with me and Sam, my first love and high school sweetheart. I wanted them to be happy, I just didn't want to watch. To stick around and have to put on a brave face while they said their vows and committed themselves to one another for an eternity was too much to ask of myself. What I wanted was simple- I wanted to die. Not the funeral, mourning, gravestone death like my father had, just a simple- 'she disappeared' type deal. I just wanted to fade away and never come back. To have everyone forget about me except for the occasional- 'Oh Leah Clearwater? She just disappeared awhile back. We hope she's happy wherever she is now.'

So there I was- watching my happy ending happen to someone else. At least it was someone who deserved it. There was a light breeze on the ocean as the orange and pink sky set everything aglow, right down to each pebble under their feet. I hovered on a cliff, a good distance away, but still too close- I could feel my heart cracking as the salt spray hit my face. Tears blurred my vision momentarily until I blinked them away. I escaped back into the forest, running back to my home- to the room where I could close myself off. At least until the urge to jump off the cliffs had subsided.

Now here I was. When I couldn't stand to be stifled in my room any longer, I escaped through the window, not bothering to change out of my boxers and tanktop I had worn to bed. Quil was on patrol tonight- he would be somewhere near the reservation end of the forest. Truthfully, I couldn't even be sure where I was now. I could be in the Cullen's backyard, or halfway through Canada for all I knew. Quil would leave me be, even if he ran across my scent. The rest of the two packs wouldn't be out in this weather. They were all somewhere celebrating, no doubt.

'God- Why?'

Another deep breath. Another heaved sob. The tears hadn't stopped since they had broken through my walls back on the cliffs. The rain helped- my face was dripping with so much water, you couldn't tell I was crying. It didn't feel like I was crying either. It only felt like a flood. This drowning feeling that consumed me shut out everything else. I swallowed hard, trying to push past the lump in my throat.

_Drowning_. Yes, the real Leah Clearwater had drowned in her pain long ago, never to resurface. If my father were here- he would have stayed home with me, put his arms around me and told me that everything always works itself out. 'There is a plan...' He would always say. 'Even if you can't see it. It will all work out in the end.'

"Well guess what?! It didn't FUCKING work out this time! NOTHING EVER DOES!"

My lungs burned as my screams escaped my throat. What was I suppose to do now? Where was I to go? It wasn't like I had still been disillusioned with hopes that Sam would ever come back to me, but the reality of it hitting me in the face was overwhelming. Of course, to top it all off, everyone else around me was pairing up. Jacob Black had resorted to imprinting on a bloodsucker for crying out loud! But I'm suppose to stay a loner for my entire life?! At this point it seemed the only option- any male I tried to get close to always left me. How the hell did this-

_SNAP._

My thoughts halted. My eyes slowly followed the noise. There was a rustle in the wet underbrush. It wasn't downwind and the rain wasn't helping visibility. 'Great. Just what I need.' My dark eyes, as sullen and dead as I felt, moved along the shadows, looking for the source of the noise. I heaved another sigh. I wasn't lucky enough to be attacked by something, so why did I even care what it was? I willed my legs to move in the opposite direction of the noise. A sluggish, but fluid movement. The rain still pressed my hair in wetlaces around my face and to my bare shoulders, my feet trudged through bracken and deep puddles, but at least the cold paid me no mind. Perhaps I would go back to the beach...

"Leah?" A familiar voice called out from behind me.

'Damn...never lucky enough to get attacked by something.' I kept walking, despite the confused figure that had stepped from the shadows. I didn't trust my voice anyway.

"Leah- stop- What are you doing out here?" The concern in his voice was becoming apparent, but I wish he hadn't put that little Alpha command in there.

So there I stood, on the opposite edge of the clearing, my back to a boy who had also abandoned me. The rain was a slow drizzle now, the sky was still dark overhead. Couldn't he just leave me be? The splash and crunch of his footsteps coming closer was an obvious no.

"Leah-"

"Stop saying my name like that..." It was a weak and broken voice, it didn't even sound like it belonged to me. An unrecognizable whisper, just as I was afraid it would be. His warm hand came to rest on my shoulder, but only for a split second before I pulled away, almost as if it burned me. I was facing him now, but my eyes stayed on the ground aimlessly. I could feel the pity rolling off him in waves.

"Just go, Jake." I crossed my arms, hugging my body. I never could stand to be pitied. It was only a reminder of how weak I was.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're bleeding, Clearwater- tell me what the hell happened." His voice rose slightly in angry concern.

I think he noticed my eyes widening a fraction at his comment. I hadn't noticed I was injured- it must have happened while I was running. No matter- it would heal itself. I fought to keep my expression stoic and hardened. I didn't have to try so much after the anger began to take over- anger at him for pretending to care. Anger at him for imprinting, just like Sam. For leaving me, just like Sam. But most of all, anger at myself for being such an idiot. I took a quick step back, finally feeling the stinging pain the was crawling up from the wound in my leg.

"I don't know- its nothing. Just leave me alone, Jacob. Go back to the _Cullens_." The last remark was biting and I saw how his brows furrowed together, as though he didn't understand my resentment. He started to protest, but I cut him short. "I don't need you to protect me, Black. I don't need anyone. Never have, never will." The anger was now a prominent feature in the front of my mind. At least I had rid myself of the void I had moments ago- that was something.

He gave a heavy sigh. I could feel his warm breath- why was he so close? How did he get so close? "Leah, hon- please...just tell me." He sounded so sincere. I just wanted to scream, cry- tell him how betrayed and dead I was inside. But that wasn't me.

"I just felt like going for a walk." My intended sarcasm was lost in my stoic tone. "Besides- you're out here, too, aren't you?" I was desperate to steer the conversation away from me, since it was obvious he wasn't just going to let me walk away.

A smile seemed to tug at his lips as he tried to lift the mood. "Ah, yeah- I always go for walks at 3 AM, too. I mean, c'mon- who needs to sleep, right?" Jacob Black- ever the optimist. It was at this point that I realized he was only in his cut-off shorts, so he must have been on patrol when he ran into me. "But really, I know you didn't just come out here to gaze at my irresistable body- so what's going on?" That was Jacob for you- he'd fit a joke in anywhere. For that, I was grateful. I was quickly composing myself in front of him, the fiesty anger I was known for returning before his eyes.

"Dream on, Black." I rolled my eyes slightly. "I just needed some fresh air." Yeah- that was believable. He quirked one of those eyebrows at me, followed by that smirk- damn that smirk. "I guess I should get going- I'll see you tomorrow? Or something..." I shrugged half-heartedly as I began to walk away, hoping I could make it at least halfway home before I started beating myself up over my ridiculousness.

Jacob grabbed my arm before I even got two feet. "Hold up, Leah." God- I wish he would stop saying my name like that. Full of concern, almost as if he cared.

"Jake, just drop it-" But before I could say another word, I realized I was in a very fierce hug, tucked protectively in Jacob Black's arms. So there we were. Jacob Black holding me, Leah Clearwater, in a rainstorm- in the middle of the forest- at 3 AM. My heart can't take this. Why was I such an idiot? How? How did I let him run away with what was left of my heart?! It can't survive this again- he had ALREADY imprinted, he was ALREADY out of reach- you stupid girl! What are you doing to yourself?!

I had to push him away- I needed to get away- but...this felt so- NO! You have to run. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. To save yourself.

'To save your heart.'

I pulled my hands up to his chest, closing my eyes as I pushed him weakly away. I couldn't bear to look up into those brown hues, no matter what emotion they held, I had to hold my resolve. "Jacob- please...don't..." I pleaded. Backing away slowly as his arms slipped from around me, and suddenly, I felt colder than I had in a very long time. My fists clenched on his bare chest fleetingly, as though I was going to pull him back by his nonexistent shirt, or at least, hold him in place- keep him from moving away.

His warm fingers graced the underside of my chin, forcing my face upward, along with my obedient eyes. "C'mon, Clearwater- I know it seems bad now, but it will get better...so Sam and Emily got married- one day you'll find-"

"You can cut the cheesy pep-talk right there, Jake. I don't want to hear anything about the future- no scenerios about anything that may or may not happen if I'm still around in a couple of years...thanks anyway." I shook my head with a sigh. I was done with futures. Once upon a time, my future had been laid out before me- everything set in place. That was then. This is now.

"Leah Clearwater- don't you dare talk like that! You sure as hell better be around in a couple of years- your furry ass is going to be around for a good long time if I have anything to do with it! You're a part of my pack and as your Alpha, I'm telling you that you can't back out on being Beta. I'm not gonna let you run away from life. You certainly can't run away from me."

My laugh sounded bitter now. If only he knew. "Too late Jacob. I'm already miles down that road." I was walking away now, letting the void dull my pain again- disconnecting from it all. "Like I said- I'll see you tomorrow or something..." And with that, I was finally out of his sight, fading into the black forest. The rain had let up, but no doubt it would come back in full force sooner or later. I sighed heavily as I heard Jacob's voice calling something in the distance. Some last words of encouragement, I'm sure. It was his obligation, after all, as my Alpha- his duty to keep me functioning within his pack. That's what I had to keep reminding myself- I meant nothing to him, just as I meant nothing to everyone else.

I was running now, splashing barefoot through the deep puddles on the path back to my home. I suppose I must resemble a drowned rat by now. I was near passing out when I finally emerged into my backyard. I was numb to any sensation, unconsciously moving forward and involuntarily functioning. I walked through the back door, my mother would be deep asleep in her room at this hour. If there was any mercy in this world, no one would notice my late night entrance. Then again, no one ever did.

I wasn't sure if I slept, because I couldn't remember waking up. I only became aware of my surroundings when my mother knocked on my door to ask if I was alright. She informed me she was leaving for another date with Charlie and begged me to come down and eat the pizza she got for dinner. 'Damn. Dinner already?' I was laying on my bed, facing nothing in particular. I needed a shower- I could still feel the dried mud splattered on my long legs from the night before. My mother's departure from the driveway made some sort of marker in the back of my mind, making my stomach suddenly realize its emptiness.

A loud buzz, followed by a familiar ringtone sounded throughout the quiet room. I sighed, annoyed as I grabbed my cell from the nightstand and headed downstairs to eat.

_- 5 New Text Messages -  
- 2 New Voice Mails -_

"It must be bug-the-shit-out-of-Leah day." I mumbled as I grabbed a slice of pizza and sifted through the text messages, deleting my voicemail without even listening to it. I hated voicemail.

The first two messages were from Seth and Jacob. Both telling me to show up at the Cullen's place around 5. I glanced at the clock- 6:47 -oh well, guess I can't make it. How heartbreaking. I scoffed- I'm sure it was something ridiculous anyway. The next message was from Aaron, a guy I had met at First Beach awhile back. He was inviting me to a party- shocker. Aaron was the kind of guy that didn't spend a Friday night without a bottle of beer and a wild party. He was always sending me these invites- I had a suspicion that anyone programmed into his phone got the same message. I started on my third piece of pizza as moved through the last messages- from Seth and Jacob. This time, threatening me to show up at the Cullens soon. Something about a patrol meeting. I was tired of meetings. I was tired of vampires and packs and imprinting. I was damn tired of being a werewolf.

My heart was sinking as I climbed into the shower. I knew Jacob or Seth was going to show up here soon looking for me. It would just be another pointless argument. They might even send one of the other boys to bitch at me- fetch me for their little meeting. My mind searched for an excuse- an escape from the madness of being a werewolf. And as if to answer me, my phone began buzzing as I stepped out of the steaming shower.

_- 2 New Text Messages -  
- 1 New Voice Mail -_

I rolled my eyes as I deleted the voicemail and opened the text messages. The first was from Jacob- informing me that he was sending Embry to my house to get me "off my lazy ass." Great. The second was from Aaron again- seriously, what is with this kid? I scrolled through the message, this one more personal than the others I had gotten from him. He wanted me to come and hang out with him and some of his friends who were visiting from the Makah reservation. Small world.

Well now- there was an idea. Go to a teenage party- possibly get drunk- yeah, that could get my mind off of this werewolf shit. Not that it sounded like an awesome option, but it was either that or wait for Embry to drag me to the bloodsuckers' place. Yup, annoying teenage boys sounded better than the disgusting smells of bloodsuckers any day.

I threw on a snug-fitting t-shirt and shorts, not bothering to blow-dry my ever-growing locks. I grabbed one last piece of pizza as my eye caught the cabinet behind the kitchen table. I shrugged mentally, opening it up and taking off with the big bottle of bourbon my father always kept stored there- for those nights when he just needed a drink. No use in letting it go to waste.

I drove my dad's old truck up to the front of Aaron's house on the outskirts of Forks. I smirked- I was already getting text messages asking where the hell I was. I was pretty sure that after last night, Jacob thought I had thrown myself over the cliffs. Oh well, didn't matter. I grabbed the bottle of bourbon and turned it up, downing a mouthful of fiery liquid before leaving the alcohol in the car and heading towards the people standing around on the porch. Lucky or not, Aaron was leaned against one of the porch railings, talking to a blonde-haired girl with a beer in hand. He noticed me all too quickly, flashing a big grin as I internally groaned. 'I hope this doesn't turn out as bad as I think it will...'

He greeted me loudly, the scent of beer revolving around him. He handed me a full beer bottle from a cooler as we walked into his home. God, what was I doing here again? Loud music played through stereo speakers off to the right, girls were dancing and boys were playing drinking games. High school all over again- but, I had to admit, it was a nice change of atmosphere from the seriousness and tension of werewolf duties. Everything back home is 'imprint this' and 'destiny that'.

Speaking of destiny- damn, Aaron's Makah friends were...damn. Apparently, his three buddies were the sons of his step-father's friends- they had all grown-up together. He introduced me to Cody, Madoc, and Troy, whom I might have actually found remotely attractive if not for what happened in that moment. They were all giving me odd glances, questioning gazes and it hit me like a brick in the face- the smell. They all smelled so- wrong- a familiar wrong. Hot and peppery, like the flames on burning beachwood. With that same canine undertone. Damn. Damn. **Damn.**

'Are you serious?! Where do I have to go to get rid of this- this disease that seems to follow me everywhere!' So the other tribe had its share of wolf decendents, too, huh? The odd glances they were passing in my direction must have meant that my smell was confusing them as well. I smirked bitterly to myself as I downed half my beer. No matter what I did, I was never going to get away.

"Its Clearwater, right? Leah Clearwater?" I think this one was Troy, and possibly the Alpha of his pack. He just had this cocky, arrogant, I'm-in-charge type of feeling about him. I hated that. Even his smirk was one of those I-can-have-what-I-want types of looks.

I nodded with a look of distaste. "Yeah...right." Even if I wasn't a bitch by nature these days, any girl, under normal circumstances, would have probably resented him just as much as I did right now for looking her body up and down like a piece of meat. The two adjacent, dark-skinned boys also looked slightly amused by something. It was getting to be very irritating. I took another long drink of my beer.

"Well Leah Clearwater, I think we have more in common than anyone would suspect." He grinned, while the other two boys looked slightly skeptical. "C'mon- I'll get you another beer." I think I was suppose to interpret that as 'follow me.'

I sighed, Aaron having left to flirt with another blonde girl, I forgot the party and my distractions to follow the dark-skinned boys through the kitchen and out into the backyard. I made sure to grab another beer on my way outside, I was going to need it at this rate. We stopped about halfway into the yard, out of earshot for the normal humans at the party- especially since most of the teens were blissfully drunk or high. 'Lucky bastards.'

Again, it was Troy who spoke. Definately the Alpha- there was no way he could be so controlling and not be in command. "So, Leah- I don't think I've ever met a female of our kind before- its an odd turn of events.."

I raised my bottle sarcastically. "That's me, Leah the oddity." Another quick drink. "So, tell me, Troy-" I curled his name around my lips, raising a brow, "when exactly did your pack come to be? Our elders never mentioned any other packs out there..." It wasn't really an interesting question because truthfully, I wasn't very interested. Yes, there were three werewolves in front of me, but they were already pissing me off with their macho bullshit.

"Well, we're still pretty young as wolves go, I guess. Probably about the same age as your Alpha. Unfortunately, our council never mentioned your pack either. It would be interesting for all of us to meet. We might just have to make an occassion of it." I gave him an inconclusive response, still pissed about the fact that he referred to his age by 'my alpha' -like I was obviously younger than him or something?! It sounded alot like he was implying that I was inferior to them. Idiots.

Cody opened his big mouth this time. "Are there other females in your pack? We've heard stories, legends of female wolves, but only the boys on our reservation have changed-"

"What do you mean- your tribe has legends of female wolves?" Now I was interested.

Madoc nodded with a grin. "There are a few. Nothing specific, just mentions of beautiful women in the tribe following warrior spirits into the footsteps of wolves...we kinda figured it was metaphoric since none of the girls had ever shown signs of changing."

My brow furrowed as I thought about this. "Before now, I had never even heard anything that indicated a girl could change. We just figured it was a fluke." I shrugged, intrigued by this new information.

I felt the phone in my backpocket vibrate, then the muffled ringtone began. Normally I would ignore it, but I welcomed the distraction. I picked it up without bothering to check the ID, nonchalantly idling away from the boys as Aaron came outside with another round of beers for them. "Hello?" My bad mood was seeping into my voice as usual.

"Damnit Leah! FINALLY! What the hell is the matter with you?! Embry said you weren't at home and I've been trying to call you all day! After last ni- y- you weren't picking up and I didn't know...Where are you?!"

"Geez, cool it, Jacob! I just needed to take some space, okay? I'm just visiting a friend- and damn, have I got news for you...anyways, I'll be heading back home soon, so I'll come out and run with you tonight, if you want- I'll catch you up. Just meet me at my house later." I took a deep breath, already eager to leave the party for a quiet run in the forest.

Jacob seemed to hesitate on the phone, still sounding concerned. Damn boy. "What is that in the background, Lee? Are- are you at a party?"

Werewolf hearing- I should have known he would pick up the distinct sound of Framing Hanley's Lollipop Remix blasting from the house a few feet away. The party, mixed with whatever amount of alcohol I had, was definately raking across my nerves. "Forget it Jacob, I'm on my way home- just text me when you're outside my house." It was a dismissive statement, but Jacob was obviously not done talking.

"Clearwater, are you drunk?" It was an accusation, not a question. Was I really slurring that badly? No way- I had only had- er- a few beers...and that bourbon- nowhere near my limit. How the hell did Jacob always know everything? You'd think he had omnipotence over the pack the way he could always tell if something was up.

"Jake, I'm fine- I swear. Just meet me later, okay? Its important." Again- this was one of those dismissive statements- as in, hang the fuck up! Once again, Jacob Black is completely oblivious.

"Stay there- I'm coming to get you. Tell me where you are." NO- no, no, no! That was the last thing I wanted. The absolute last thing I needed. Shit- why did he have to use the damn Alpha tone now?! I couldn't stop myself from answering him with Aaron's name and address. Fuck!

I took a deep breath. If I got any angrier, I was gonna phase right there in Aaron's backyard. After a minute, I noticed the wolfboys studying me. I ran a hand through my hair as I dicontinued the argument with Jacob by hanging up the phone. He was on his way, probably phasing at the moment and taking off in this direction. It would take him about 10 minutes to run here, but it was the long drive back with him that I was dreading more than anything.

Luckily, or at least as lucky as I get- Cody and the others nodded in my direction and led the rest of the party inside for shots. So they weren't total jerks- they must have overheard and decided to leave me alone. Thank God for small favors. I finished off my beer easily, but also noticed that my focus seemed to be waning. I heard myself growl lowly. I couldn't be drunk- my tolerance for alcohol was ridiculously high!

A familiar, and annoying, scent hit my nose at that instant. He was fast, I'd give him that. But the fact that he was coming all the way out here just to babysit me was- just so- fucking irritating. Yeah thats it. At one time, I would have thought it was sweet, or even a sign he might have maybe cared. But let's face it, he had his imprint and he was only looking out for the interest of the pack. I was so caught up with my blurred thoughts that I didn't even notice Jacob come out of the woods in his cut-off shorts.

"Having fun?" He smirked wickedly, obviously amused that I was startled by his voice.

"Tons- can we just go?" I was immediately heading to the truck, going around the side of the house instead of through it. I could feel Jacob following on my heels, his breath practically on my neck, as if he were protecting me from something. I could feel the heat- SHIT LEAH- STOP THAT!

Before I could even be mad at myself, Jacob's hand was tangled in mine, stopping me in my tracks. "Wait- what's that....is that- ?" His eyes were shifting nervously, darting around the dark yard in confusion. I gathered my thought as the realization hit my nose as well.

"Oh yeah- that's what I was going to tell you. C'mon, just get in the truck and I'll explain on the way." I promised. He seemed very intrigued by this new information and I hoped it was enough to keep the topic of conversation from drifting anywhere uncomfortable during the ride home. I tossed Jake the keys as I heard my name being called from the front porch.

"We'll see you soon, Leah Clearwater." It was Troy, throwing in a wink with his farewell for good measure, while his two sidekicks just nodded with leering expressions. I could have barfed at that moment, but my attention was drawn to Jake, who seemed to be frozen beside the open driver's side door, even after I was already secure on my side. I followed his line of vision- staring daggers into the three Makah boys.

"Earth to Jacob! Lets go!" I encouraged with great annoyance coloring my voice. He didn't bother looking at me as he jumped into the truck and started the drive back to La Push. I, however, was staring at him- confused by the stoic expression he now had plastered on his features. After a moment, I forced myself to look away. I reluctantly glanced back after I heard him fidgeting with something- his arm stretched to the floorboard as he tried to fish for something while driving.

"Here." I offered, reaching over and grabbing whatever he was trying to move. Oh. It was my liquor bottle from earlier. Shit- no wonder I was a little drunk. I could have sworn I only took a small drink before going into the party, but my once full bottle of liquid courage was now down to its last few shots. Well, as long as I'm going to hell, might as well do it thoroughly- as Edward says. I finished off the bottle before Jake could snatch it from my hands, throwing the empty bottle at my feet. I gathered a deep breath and closed my eyes to keep from feeling dizzy.

"So you wanna talk about it?" His voice was soft...pleasant. I smiled slightly, if not from the alcohol- then from the irony of the situations I found myself in.

"Talk about what?" My voice came out softer than I intended as well, maybe just because of the quiet atmosphere.

"Well, whatever it is thats got you acting so strange lately, for starters. Or you could just tell me what it was that you said needed to tell me, ya kno- if you still remember." I opened my eyes, rolling them in his direction. I had heard the smirk in his voice before I even saw its brilliance on his features.

"I can't believe you haven't figured it out from their scent smacking you in the face back there, actually. Those guys, the three assholes on the porch- they're werewolves." Normally, I probably wouldn't have been so blunt, but I was feeling just a little wasted now. Of course, the fact that Jacob was now slamming on the brakes did nothing to help this. In his shock, he had almost ran one of the only stoplights in Forks. "Damnit Jake!"

"They're WHAT?! Shit- I knew something was up!" We started moving forward again, Jacob continued to ramble, but by that point, I couldn't focus on what he was saying. My eyes, which I'm sure were glassed over, were fixed on the town passing by outside the window. The streetlights were casting everything in a yellow glow that just seemed hazed by my drunken vision. Something wasn't right- why the hell did I feel like this? There is no way that one bottle of liquor and a couple beers, even if I drank them kinda fast, were making me this disoriented. I had a very high tolerance for alcohol, even before I became a wolf and now, with the wolf's metabolism, I know I'm able to hold at least a couple bottles of liquor without getting this plastered. It didn't even feel the same- it felt more like being dazed than being smashed.

"Leah-" Jake's warm hand was on my shoulder, shaking me out of my sluggish thoughts. "Leah- hon, are you okay? How much did you drink?" God, I was so tired. Poor Jacob must think I'm an alcoholic. "Leah- answer me- are you alright?" Woah- when did he get so close? His hand was gently underneath my chin, forcing me to look at him as he studied my face at close proximity. Too close.

I tried to jerk my head away, but it was impossible. I ended up just trying to force my eyes open and stay focused. "I'm fine, Jake- I just need to sleep it off..." I wasn't sure how much of that came out coherently, but his concern must have faded, because my next moment of awareness found myself slumped against his body while he drove down a dark road. His arm was draped across me as I attempted to sleep, burying my face further into his chest. I was too far gone to argue with myself about these motions- but I could swear I remember him bringing his lips down to the top of my head and breathing my scent deep into his lungs. I really am wasted. But I couldn't help but drown myself in his scent, too. It made me want to- WOAH. That is the alcohol talking Leah. Definately.

I was startled awake by the stench of bloodsuckers. I was immediately pissed. I pulled myself away from my comfortable spot slumped against him to look around, even though I knew where he had taken me. The Cullen's. There stood their stupid house, a couple of figures standing on the porch, conveniently shadowed by the light from inside. "What the fuck are we doing here?" I looked at him pointedly as I back away in the small space of the truck cab. My anger seemed to clear my thoughts momentarily, at least enough for me to direct my rage at Jacob.

"Are you crazy? I'm not taking you back to your mother's house like this- you'd fall and break your neck if I left you there alone! Not to mention Sue would kill us both if she saw you!" He seemed amused by my protests, but I didn't find anything funny about this at all. I just wanted to go home to my own bed and fall asleep. For me, pissed off and drunk do not mix. Jacob was about to figure this out first hand.

"Take me home, Black- right now." The growl in my chest was getting louder as he removed the keys from the ignition and turned those eyes on me, starting some bullshit reasoning with me. "NO. I- I have to go home...I can't stay in there-" My hands ran through my hair automatically, my body turning as I practically fell out of the truck when my door opened. I may be his Beta, but that didn't mean I wouldn't run away from him.

"Leah- calm down- your brother is inside, just let me-" Yeah- my brother was inside, but so were the rest of them! I didn't want any of them to see me like this- a drunken idiot! I would never get any sleep in there, the smell alone was making the alcohol churn in my stomach, and we were still at a distance!

"No way- I'm going home! You can stay the fuck away from me!" I stumbled back as Jacob came around the truck towards me. At this point, I only partially acknowledged that the whole Cullen household was now standing on their porch. A figure was advancing bravely toward us, but I kept backing away like a scared animal. 'Okay, get a grip Leah- get a grip...c'mon- focus- what the hell is going on?! Jacob- he's trying to help- he's just- Edward- its Edward coming toward us- he's just- Oh God- the smell- I think I really am going to lose it- I can't-' My thoughts continued to elude me, circling around in confusing spins, meaning nothing.

"Something's wrong with her, Jacob." Was that Edward's voice? What did he mean? Of course there was something wrong with me! My head was splitting and the alcohol was getting to me. 'Of course there is something wrong- I'm a werewolf, I'm drunk, I'm-' Erratic thinking wasn't helping the situation.

"Damn it, Clearwater, what's gotten into you?" Jacob's voice was just background noise now- all I wanted was to run away, stumbling around in the yard looking like an idiot was the least of my concerns. What was I on? Seriously- did I take drugs? This wasn't me- my head was swimming and my thoughts were racing so fast I couldn't keep up. This wasn't alcohol- I had been wasted to the point of passing out and never experienced anything like this. Something was wrong. I could feel my body trembling- shaking violently to try to phase- to escape this. Suddenly, the familiar sense of becoming a wolf overtook me- overtook everything.

I was running, paws hitting the earth as I struggled to go faster. What the hell was happening?! I felt like my heart was going to explode from my chest and my thoughts were still out of my grasp. I couldn't pay attention to anything long enough to form a coherent thought. 'Hungry- deer- bear- hunt.' I found myself ripping into a large bear before I could even realize my state of mind was on food. Did I have rabies or something?! Oh God- I think I'm sick- maybe diseased. If I were able to think anything through clearly, I might have concluded that dying would be better than living in the hell my life had become.

In that moment I became overly aware of the fact that I wasn't being chased. Either that, or they couldn't keep up with me. I was already miles into the forest and I realized that I wanted to be chased. I wanted to be caught. 'WHY?!' I let out a short bark, confusing filling me once more. Running filled my every muscle once more- making me twitch with energy as I took off. There has to be something wrong with me- I'd never felt instinct so strong- so overpowering. Never had I felt so absolutely animalistic. It was close to what I had seen in Jacob's head when he had taken off after Bella's engagement. When he set himself free to the wolf. But this, this wasn't my choice- this was a force taking hold of me, dragging me down into madness.

Then, just as quickly as my decline began, it began to pick up the pace and I was falling faster. Familiar scents assaulted my nose, stopping me dead in my tracks as my gaze caught sight of three large creatures staring right back at me. My legs, my instincts- everything told me to run away, to be chased, to be caught, but I had to take a moment in my unfocused and racing thoughts to study the animals before me. Two of them were just slightly larger than my wolf form, one a brownish black, the other a dark grey color. The third was by far the second largest werewolf/shapeshifter-thing I had seen in any of the packs, Jacob's russet form being the largest. It was a snowy white- much more pure than my dingy silver coat.

It was at this point that I realized I was pacing backward every few moments, my heart still racing. I noticed the largest wolf take a cautious step in my direction, weighing his odds it seemed. I took in my surroundings- as if this were some sort of game, a dance driven by instinct and we were only following along. His muscles seemed tensed for a pounce, readying themselves to come after me. With that realization, I could no longer hold myself still and my instincts once again won the battle, causing me to free myself into a run. This time, however, I could hear their paws pounding behind me, sending new thrills of adrenaline through my system, causing me to run faster. I felt as if this were a test- some sort of challenge to see who could catch me. Oh God- I really was crazy. Here I was playing some perverted type of drunken tag.

A familiar howl sounded in front of me, causing me to come to a sliding halt. My eyes darted around, calculating my next move- my legs willing to move at the slightest inclination. The three boys came bursting into view behind me and before I could even react, Jacob and Seth were in front of me- stopping at the sight of our group. It was at this point that I figured out how utterly quiet it was. Where were their thoughts? I mean, I expected that I wouldn't hear the others, but where were my pack's thoughts now that they were in wolf form? Why couldn't I hear them?! Shit- I was right- I'm sick...

The recognition and confusion were clearly reading in Jacob and Seth's eyes. They must have noticed the panic in mine, because they made whimpering noises and growls trying to communicate something to me. I could hear barks begin to sound from the anxious wolves behind me- just as eager as my instincts were to restart this game. I wanted to phase back- I wanted to talk this through...I just couldn't find the will. I couldn't seem to calm myself enough to bring back my human form. It had never been this hard before! It was as if I couldn't even remember how to phase back now.

My body was once again ready to move of its own volition, but before I moved an inch- every wolf in front of me once again became human. Jacob and Troy were staring at each other, obviously already having had some sort of Alpha discussion I wasn't aware of. My heart was still fluttering like a bird, but thankfully my thoughts were collecting themselves as I forced my feet to stay planted where they were. I was human, damn it- I was sure as hell not going to let my wolf form just take over without a fight.

"So, Troy-" Jacob spoke acidly, obviously upset by something the asshole had said. "What the hell are you getting at?" His tone was that of an Alpha. A very pissed off Alpha.

Troy smirked confidently, crossing his arms over his naked chest. Damn- being surrounded by naked men was not helping my situation. If I didn't know any better, I would swear my hormones were raging, but that wasn't very logical for a menopausal shapeshifter. In all seriousness- it wouldn't take much for me to jump Jacob right here. I expelled that thought quickly- what the hell was wrong with me?! He was- he is my- BUT DAMN- he's gorgeous...

"C'mon Jacob- she's fair game. You know as well as I do that wolves mate for life- since she hasn't mated yet, she's clearly up for grabs. She's an Alpha female, she needs an Alpha male. All I have to do is be the first to catch and dominate her into submission. Ya know- prove I'm the best choice, just like they do it in the wild." His eyebrows raised suggestively.

This information hit me so hard I couldn't breathe. Troy wanted to- WHAT AN ASSHOLE! I could feel myself growling into an aggressive bark as the thoughts lingered in my mind. The boys were staring in my direction now, Jacob and Seth looking livid and Troy just looking like an asshole. I am so gonna wipe that damn smirk off his face! How dare he act like I was just some sort of fucking piece of meat! An animal to be tamed like his pet! JERK.

Troy was laughing now. "Sorry Leah, but that's what happens when you go into heat without a mate- you become a rogue. Fair game for any Alpha to claim. Its why you've broken away from your dear leader and why you keep running from us. You can't control it, anymore than you can control any instinct. But I promise you'll like my pack...and you'll make the perfect Alpha female to carry on our line."

I growled once more at this, louder than before. So I was in heat? Impossible- I was sterile...right? I hadn't menstrated since becoming a wolf. And I certainly wasn't going to leave- I'd be damned before I left my pack to became some prize for this self-absorbed dick. I couldn't leave my brother, or Jacob- or any of my pack brothers for that matter. They were annoying, hell yes- but I couldn't deny that they were like family to me.

"Leah isn't going anywhere- she is my Beta and she will stay where she belongs- in _my_ pack, by _my_ side." Did Jacob really just say that? A shiver ran down my spine- definately not from being cold.

"And how the hell do you know so much about this? Leah is the only female of our kind there is..." Seth growled out.

"Ah, but she's not the first. Makah packs have had Alpha females in several generations of history. They are rare, but not unheard of. Don't get me wrong Jacob, I don't want to start a fight, but its only instinct that we chase her when she runs. She'll be in heat for a week and needs a mate. I was under the impression that you already had a mate, and from your thoughts- this other pack Alpha already has a mate as well." He raised a brow matter-of-factly.

Oh God- did this mean I was really doomed to be enslaved to this jerk?! This was too much- fate hated me. Life hated me. I knew I had almost no chance of imprinting, but I had at least held out hope that one day- when my luck changed and my heart was descently taped back together- MAYBE I would be able to get married...perhaps not love, but at least be content with someone of MY choosing. Then again, that was probably my mistake...holding out any kind of hope for anything was futile. Every shard of happiness got crushed in the end, no exceptions. Nothing was left to grasp at or hold to. Hope was a mistake just like love. A mistake I made all too easily, too many times.

"Leah- please, hon, just phase back. We'll work this out, I swear. Just talk to me..." Jacob was trying to calm me down- he had obviously noticed that I was backing away before I had even realized I was doing it. It was no use- I could feel my muscles tensing to run at any moment. I was trying to get a hold of myself- if I could just phase back- get past this fog in my head...if I could just talk to Jacob. Damn it, Leah- there you go with hope again.

"Its no use. She has to run, just as we have to chase. C'mon Jacob- you can't fight your nature, neither can she. Go on, Leah. I'll even let you have a head start." He winked, I could have thrown up in my mouth.

"No, Leah! Wait!"

Too late, Jacob. I can't wait- he's right, I can't fight it. I'm already gone.

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So thanks to everyone for reading and thanks in advance for those of you who review, its much appreciated.

As for the mating thing- its an idea I've had for awhile based off of wolf and dog habits. It hit me when Leah was mentioning being menopausal since becoming a werewolf/shapeshifter in the series- maybe her body could be more like a wolf- only going into heat once a year when it was mature (about 3 years old).

So if anyone is wondering about the timeline- definately post-Breaking Dawn, probably about a year after the whole Volturi incident. That makes Leah's wolf form about 3 or 4 years old, right? Maybe a little older if I'm not adding up all the time correctly, but still a young wolf for all intents and purposes.

As for the whole Jacob imprinting Nessie thing- for this story, we will use the concept that Jacob imprinted on Nessie's human side, which means that Jacob's imprint wasn't as strong a bond as the other boys and has been fading over time.

So thanks, R&R!


	2. These Words were Never Easier

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**Chapter 2 "Let's not pretend like we saw this coming."**

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_We say goodbye  
I turn my back  
Run away, run away  
So predictable  
Not far from here  
You see me crack  
Like a bone, like a bone  
I'm so breakable_

_I'm on the road  
To who knows where?  
Look ahead, not behind I keep saying  
There's no place to go  
Where you're not there  
On your rope, I hold tight  
But it's freeing...  
"Prodigal" One Republic_

It was a good thing I was the fastest runner. I wasn't sure how long it had been since we started our game of cat and mouse, but it seemed I had eluded the dogs for the time being. I was exhausted, but more than that- I was furious, pissed, confused, hormonal, and depressed. I let out a deep breath. It was deeper than depressed...I was about to become the trophy wife for some self-centered ass. No, not even a trophy wife, even that was too good for me. I was going to be used to carry on a genetic line. A damn piece of ass...did it get any better?

'HEAR THAT?! That's it- you've got everything! You've taken every last piece of me and twisted the hope right out of it!'

My desperation only came out as a broken howl. Forsaken by any possibility that I would ever be happy. I wanted to curl up and die, but my legs carried me farther up the steep incline I was climbing, willing me to keep moving. I had to keep going. Perhaps if I outran them for the full week, this would be over and they would leave me alone. It was something. At this point, I was grasping at straws to keep myself sane.

I couldn't even try to see the good in this situation at this point. If these were different circumstances, I might have been happy that I wasn't sterile, but I couldn't bring myself to be happy about having children with a man I hardly knew, much less loved. I might have even been happy about breaking away from the packs, becoming a lone wolf- if things were different. Yet, as it stood, I just felt alone. More empty than I had before. I actually missed the erratic thoughts of my brothers in my head.

I reached the top of the small mountain, finally slowing to a stop. My thoughts were still less than clear and a I felt jumpy, instinct dictating everything before my mind had time to process it, but I could focus enough now to phase back. I collapsed as soon as my human form took over, naked and trembling with emotion. Distance helped. It seemed the more distance I had from boys, the better my condition got. I pulled my body close, balling up on the dark forest floor.

I wasn't sure when I had realized it was night, but I wasn't on the ground long before I got up and wiped my cheeks of the tear stains. I was going to make it through this, just like I made it through everything else. If it was one of the jerks who caught me first, I wouldn't go down without a fight. I sure as hell wouldn't make it a pleasurable experience. I looked down, letting out a shaky sigh as I realized I needed some clothes and something to eat. I looked around, not really recognizing anything in the moonlit woods, but I started walking forward nonetheless. I didn't want to phase- I hated feeling like I was stuck that way, especially with no way to communicate, but I had to admit it would be faster. No matter- walking just gave me time to think. I tried to turn everything over in my head, but it seemed useless. Run away- that was the only option that seemed available. Damn it.

It was now beyond obvious that I was doomed from the moment my mother named me Leah. I had read my namesake's story in my mother's old Bible when I was younger. She was married to Jacob, which made me want to hurl at the time, but only after her father decieved him. Her life was filled with nothing but pain and sorrow. She spent her life trying to make her husband love her, when really he wanted her sister instead. She was a pathetic, jealous bitch. It wasn't until the last few years that I started to realize how well my name fit me.

I stumbled over a log- taking in my surroundings again only to realize I knew where I was standing. After all that running, I ended up just a few miles outside of La Push. From here, the closest house was Emily and Sam's. I bit my lip anxiously. I couldn't go home- that would be the first place anyone would look. If there was any descency left in the world, which for me I was sure there was not, Sam would be out on patrol. But by now, I had bigger concerns than petty jealousy of the people I cared about.

I noticed I was still shaking as I walked up onto the small porch and raised my hand to knock, but I couldn't feel anything- so surely I wasn't cold. As soon as a few hard beats sounded on the wooden door, I backed off the porch and watched the lights come on inside. I backed even further into the yard as I realized my instincts were rising again. Sam must be inside, probably coming to the door. Great. Just terrific. I was out of reach for the porchlight's glow when it came on and the door creaked open. Sam's voice sounded tired, it must be late, but I wasn't sure.

"Who's there? Guys- what do you want?" I guess he figured it was Paul or Jared.

"Sam- I... is Emily awake?" My voice sounded small and unusual to me- broken and defeated in a way I had never heard it before. I stayed in the shadows, my arms crossed over my naked chest in a futile attempt to comfort myself. There was a long pause as I stared toward the ground illuminated by the warm light of their home.

"Leah? Is that you? Wh- What is it- What's wrong?" I could hear his footsteps come farther out onto the porch, making me back toward the forest a few more steps. My eyes finally looked up at him, the worry in his voice also etched into his face.

"Its nothing- I was just-" My voice died in my throat as a breeze brought Jacob's scent to my nose. My heart was racing again automatically and my eyes darted around the edges of the forest for a sign of his direction. "Shit."

"Leah?" Sam prompted, his concern growing- no doubt from my wild expression. He took another step, catching my attention immediately.

"Stop- don't... please Sam- just- just stay there- I need you to stay away from me." My voice sounded frantic, and if my thoughts weren't hazing over again, I might have worried that I resembled a lunatic. My back was to the edge of the forest now as Sam stood on his bottom step, obviously starting to say something, but a noise from the other side of the house interrupted and I took off like a startled deer again. Well- a startled wolf anyway. Within steps of the forest I had phased and my legs were carrying me toward the beach, instinct too strong to be denied.

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_JacobPOV_

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Her scent caught my wolf nose just as I noticed that Sam's porchlight was on around front. By the time I ran into view, Sam was standing alone in the yard, looking confused. I phased back, pulling on my cut-off shorts and wiping a spot of blood from my brow. It took everything I had not to chase that beautiful- NO. NO. NO. This was Leah we were talking about. It had to be the hormones. Even though I knew deep down that I was never going to fall for Renesmee in that way, I sure as hell couldn't let myself fall for my Beta. I mean, don't get me wrong- Leah is definately...er- likeable...its just that I cared so much for her. I couldn't live with myself if I ever imprinted again and left her. At least, that's what I told myself- despite the fact I knew imprinting again was an impossibility.

"What the hell is going on?" Sam interrupted my thinking as he ushered us back into his home, Emily already waiting with coffee. I could tell by her expression that I looked haggered, but that was the least of my concerns right now. My wounds were already healing, but my mind was racing- part of me trying to figure out how to save my Beta, the other part fighting off the overwhelming urge to...well- 'dominate' her.

Sam asked what was happening again, so I began by telling him about the new pack, then about Leah's 'situation', and finally, about the fight I had with this pack when they started to chase after Leah. My anger rose a fraction just thinking about them, having to fight them off to keep them from running after my Le-...my Beta. I took a deep breath, Emily handing me a hot cup of coffee with a worried look on her face.

"And Seth? Where is he?" Sam raised a brow, obviously as worried for my pack as I was. I had to give it to Sam, he was a hell of an Alpha. Since we split the pack down the middle, I could only hope to be as good a leader as he was. Frankly, it scared the hell out of me that he was talking about recombining the two packs lately, so he could step down. I understood he wanted to be with Emily, but me taking over a pack of 32 wolves by myself was ridiculous!

"I sent him to warn the Cullens about the newcomers before the fight broke out. I told him to tell them to stay inside until we all meet back there. He should be out grabbing Quil, Embry, and the others now." I ran a hand through my shaggy locks, leaning back in the chair. "I don't know what we can even do, Sam. We can't get near Leah without the urge to chase her taking over us, believe me. Then there are those jerks chasing her, too. We can't go starting a war with potential allies over this, but we can't just give Leah up either..." I stared into the dark liquid sitting at the bottom of my cup, hoping the answer would come to me. Nothing. Damn it. I couldn't just let Leah go, not like this. Not now. Not yet...

Sam stood up then and grabbed his phone, putting it to his ear for just a moment before speaking with someone on the other end. "Jared. Everyone is to meet outside the Cullens in 10 minutes, we have a serious problem." He paused for a moment and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "No- just make sure everyone else stays downwind, I'll explain soon. Okay." He hung up the phone. "C'mon- we have to hurry. Jared just spoke with Seth and apparently Collin, Paul, and Embry came across Leah's scent in the forest and have disappeared."

I followed Sam out of the house as soon as I was able to pick my jaw up off the floor. Great, just what I needed- more horny wolves chasing my Beta around in the woods! I scoffed, phasing behind Sam as we kept pace with each other all the way to the Cullen's home. Our minds had immediately been filled with our pack's thoughts- confusion and lust seemed to be the major emotions coming into play. I could hear the animalistic things rolling around inside Embry's head, causing me to growl as I ordered them to come to the Cullen's and give up their search for Leah. Thank God no one had cornered her yet. At least, no one from our side.

'I swear if one of those idiots gets ahold of her...'

'Cool it, Jacob- we'll figure something out...' Sam thought, trying to be convincing, but my hormones were already putting up a fight to go after her, save her...take her.

'Where's Seth?' I had sifted through everyone's thoughts, but Seth was nowhere to be found. It was then that I saw him in one of the other's mind, standing outside the Cullen's in his human form. 'Why the hell did he phase back?'

'Think about it, Jake. Would you really want to be hearing all these thoughts about YOUR sister?' Quil laughed as he pointed out the angry and disgusted look on Seth's uncomfortable features. He had a point. Even I was finding it hard to deal with the thoughts of those who had become intoxicated with Leah's scent. They couldn't help it, but it was a good thing Leah couldn't hear us anymore- heads would roll.

As soon as we were all together, we worked out the last of our patrol regimen. Everyone not out on patrol with one of the Alpha's would stay behind to guard the Cullen's place. Sam and Seth were each taking a group of 4 guys to run perimeter looking for the outsiders. Sam agreed to let me look for Leah on my own. I had to find her, bring her home. I had to protect her.

'She is mine.' A small voice in the back of my mind kept chanting to me. It has to be the hormones, Jacob. Instinct- thats all. Leah doesn't even like you- how in the hell could you expect her to want- Damn it, STOP. She is your Beta. Thats all.

I was trying to trace her scent, fragrant and intoxicating in a maddening way, just enough to drive me crazy. She had always smelled nice, but this was unbelievable. Pheramones, Jacob- get a grip. I kept tracking her, trying not to go in circles. I let out a low growl when her scent kept overlapping with those jackasses, but I tried not to think about it too much. My legs carried me faster as I neared the beach cliffs, finally coming out of the forest to overlook First Beach. I spotted a small figure sitting on a log that made my heart jump up into my throat. She was alone. God- I had been so worried about her.

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_LeahPOV_

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I could smell the salty ocean breeze as it brushed past my face, clearing my head as best it could. What was I going to do? Obviously, my body wasn't going to allow me to sleep much until this disaster was over, but I was already emotionally drained. My physical self, however, was still just as tense as when I started- always on the alert, always on edge. It was like I was constantly poised for a sprint. My blood must have been replaced with adrenaline while I wasn't looking.

The sky was starting to lighten, soon the sun would poke over the horizon. I listened to the calming lull of the waves crashing on the cliffs nearby, hugging my naked body closer as I tried to imagine what it would be like if I were forced to leave here. The haze in my mind didn't let me get very far, but the emotion swelled up in my throat all too quickly and tears began to wet my cheeks. Damn. I definately didn't miss PMS.

"Tag...you're it." An all-too familiar voice rang out behind me, causing my legs to spring up from the log and face my Alpha. His hands raised defensively as he backed away. His irresistable smirk curled his lips, but his brown hues were filled with something else. Something I couldn't quite place. "Woah- slow down, Leah- its just me. I just want to talk to you. We've been worried..."

"You have to go, Jake. I can't- I- I can't control it..." I pleaded. I took a few more steps back, trying to control the lust that fueled this instinct to run. The pebbles shifted beneath my barefeet, my eyes shifting along the edges of the beach before returning to Jacob's features. It was then that I noticed he was pulling something from his pocket. I took another step back involuntarily. Once again, he held his hands up in defense, revealing that he had fished my cellphone from his shorts.

"You kinda left that behind, I figure you might need it if you get into trouble." He shrugged sheepishly as he leaned forward a step and placed it on the log where I was previously seated. He then backed away to his original position, looking more anxious than before.

I glanced at the phone, then back up to Jacob. "And who would I call if I did get into trouble? One of the boys?" I scoffed slightly, shaking my head as the raw emotion became evident in my voice and tears glistened behind my dark blue eyes. I couldn't remember ever crying in front of Jacob, and I fought against it even now.

"Me, Leah. You'll call me." I was slightly taken back by the seriousness and concern in his voice, my eyes searching his for some reason behind his caring. I was no longer part of the pack- how did this do the pack any good? He couldn't possibly care about me- not like this. He had that halfling freak. He didn't need me. "And don't try that strong, independent lone wolf shit with me either. I'm going to do everything I can to keep those bastards away from you, but I need you to help me out here, Leah. I need to know what you want me to do." His brown hues were begging me for something, but all I could think of was running.

"Jake- I...I don't know. Maybe-" Before I could even begin to collect my thoughts, Jacob's russett wolf form stood before me, growling at five large figures that santered out of the shadows. My mind flew into a panic and I didn't even let it register that I had phased as I held my phone between my teeth and stared at the newcomers. Troy and his two goons, I recognized- the other two not so much. I was backing towards my only escape into the forest, figuring that these two new figures were more of Troy's pack.

It was apparent in the next few moments that a fight was going to break out. Jacob's hair was standing on end and Troy was staring at me like he had already won this twisted game. Jacob was outnumbered- he couldn't fight them! Not for me! Damn it, this was all wrong. I couldn't make myself move, at least not in the direction I wanted to go. I wanted to help my Alpha- I was his Beta, how could I leave him like some coward?! For all my effort, I still felt myself backing away- growls vibrating up from my chest. I deserved this- somehow I deserved to watch the men I love get taken away from me. And as true as I thought that may be, I knew that Jacob didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to die for some woman who brought nothing but misery to everything she touched.

It was all moving in slow motion as about 5 of my former packmates bled out of the forest to surround the intruders. All the scents hitting my nose, the tension and growls- I couldn't weld myself to the ground any longer and took off like lightening toward the forest. Everyone began the chase, Jacob and Troy rolling into a fight- biting and snarling at each other until they once again joined the rest of the hungry wolves on my trail. I could hear them- their animalistic growls and excited barks. Though I couldn't feel it, I could tell my body was wearing down. I was slower than usual, no doubt from lack of sleep these last two nights.

I ran through a stream, soaking my paws and acknowledging the sound of splashing behind me moments later. They were closer than they should be. I quickened my pace, noting the familiar scents in the air around me. My mind was working overtime trying to figure out what to do. I couldn't just let them have me. I took a sharp left, remembering that I was running adjacent to the sea. I suppose the feeling of wanting to be caught is fading into desperation. I could hear fighting and howling in the distance, no doubt most of my followers were brawling with each other. Damnit- I'm not worth this!

The trees thinned out, parting to reveal the high cliffs overlooking the Olympic Peninsula. I took a deep breath, feet halting right on the edge of the rocks which dropped down into the murky undertoe below. I turned back to see Jacob, Troy, and Embry stop abruptly at the mouth of the forest. Jacob's eyes looked horrified as he realized I had nowhere to go. I took a deep breath, dropping the forgotten phone from my teeth and phasing. A shiver ran up my spine, but I was certain it had nothing to do with the cool morning breeze. Jacob was the first to join me in human form, then Troy and Embry. Had I the room, I would have backed away, but as it was- my feet were on the absolute last edge of earth the cliff could spare.

Jacob's terrified expression was now stretched across all his features, his hand reached out to me almost in reflex. "Leah- please, hon...just-"

"Stop saying my name like that." I shook my head, blue eyes meeting his brown.

"Like what?" He raised a brow trying to be sarcastic. A bittersweet smirk tugged at his perfect lips. It wouldn't work- he couldn't lighten everything up this time.

"Like you actually care about me..." I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I said the words, hardly a whisper. Shock and hurt seem to take over his features, but I couldn't process their meaning as I took a full step backward, letting the void swallow me as I disappeared from their sight. Falling freely to the ocean below. Perhaps the water would take pity on me- have mercy on me in a way that nothing else would. Perhaps it would let me die beneath its cool depths and be freed from everything. It was then then that I thought of Jacob. His face twisted in pain as I uttered those words. Jacob, of all people- deserved happiness. He deserved to live a long and happy life with his imprint, with someone like Nessie. As much as I would hate to admit it, the little halfling girl was a ray of sunshine, just like her Jacob. She had never been anything but polite and happy, making me realize a long time ago that he was better off with her. He deserved happiness with a girl who deserved it as well. He deserved not to be bothered with someone like Leah, who always weighed down his bright thoughts with her selfish anger and sadness.

He was better off this way. He would understand that.

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Thanks for the great reviews, guys! I hope you like this chapter just as much. Its a bit shorter, but I felt like leaving it there for dramatic purposes. R&R!


	3. Need Me

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**Chapter 3 "Because you need me less than I need you."**

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_I dreamed I was missing  
You were so scared  
But no one would listen  
Cause no one else cared_

_After my dreaming I  
woke with this fear  
What am I leaving  
When I'm done here  
So if you're asking me  
I want you to know..._

_I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through  
I've never been perfect  
But neither have you._  
_ "Leave Out All The Rest" Linkin Park_

Maybe I did love Jacob. What would it matter if I admitted it to myself now? I was drowning, my body hitting the rocks with enough force to knock the last of the air from my lungs. I wasn't really fighting it- why should I? Sinking to the bottom of the ocean seemed like a better option than being with someone I didn't love. Definately a better option than having to live within reach of the man you do love, but never being able to touch him. Yeah- I guess I did love Jacob. What a funny twist of fate. Too bad it wasn't the type of funny that I'd laugh at.

_For a rock, its awfully smooth._ I was able to collect my thoughts enough to grasp at that fact. The hard surface that I was being pushed against, crushed into- it was amazingly smooth for a cliff rock. "Leah- can you hear me?! I swear, if you don't die I'm going to kill you myself! Damn it Leah- why'd you have to be so stupid?!" I started coughing involuntarily, my lungs acting of their own accord to gasp for air.

"You jumped...for me?" I managed to rasp out as my throat expanded itself. "You're- such.. an idot...Jake." I could feel myself in his arms now, no longer being tossed in the current. My mind was clearing itself with each passing moment, my breathing evening out as I felt Jacob's chest vibrating- still mumbling angrily under his breath. I didn't bother to look up at him, yet. My hazy eyes were coming into focus on the multicolored sunrise. Not as brilliant as his features, but I was afraid I would lose my composure if I looked at him right now.

"Stupid girl- did you even think? Do you know what it felt like to watch you step off that edge?!" The anger in his voice was overwhelming and...heartbreaking. I could swear I heard the familiar feeling of betrayal and hurt in his words. Something I knew so well, it was hard to miss. But why? "Why? Why would you-" I couldn't finish my question as my voice cracked against my will. I wanted to ask him why he would be hurt. It was easy enough to see that he would be better off without me. I had already established this in my mind. Without me, he could live a fulfilling life with...his imprint, he wouldn't have to worry about me causing trouble. He wouldn't have to listen to my painful thoughts in his head everyday. Why would he care if I wasn't around?

My hand was touching his face, trying to wipe that confused and hurt look off his features as my fingers caressed his cheek. "Leah-" His voice seemed to die in his throat as I retracted my hand. I was sure by now that the look on my face was just as mangled with pain, but I knew my affliction was of a different cause. I wasn't hurt because my Beta had almost died. I was dying because I was so close to everything I could never have. I was breathing it in, his intoxicating scent filling my nostrils and his soft, warm skin under my fingers, pressed against my body. It was at this point that I realized we were both naked in our close proximity and my steady breath hitched in my chest.

I fidgeted violently, trying to make him release me. "Let me go, Jacob. Let me down." My protests sounded weak, but he let me down carefully nonetheless. I had expected him to put up some sort of fight, but it was then that I noticed how interested he was in the pebbles beneath us. My body still felt heavy, but my head was still in the same heat it had been when I fell in the water. I couldn't help but laugh, feeling stronger every second. I bit my lip, smirking as I reached up and lifted Jacob's tan chin, making his eyes meet mine. "What's the matter, Jake? Can't take your eyes off my irresistable body?" I chuckled teasingly, my body angling around him, brushing against him slightly. His touch left my skin cold in its wake.

He raised a brow, using that smirk on me. "Lee-"

"Yes?" I brushed by him again, dancing circles around his body. My fingers grazed by his hip as his hands darted out to me, just shy of catching me up in his grip. He tried again to grasp at me, but I ducked under his arm and backed into the forest. My hair hung in wet, heavy ribbons, tossing water down my back and shoulders. We were both laughing. God it felt good to laugh again. Although I'm not sure what it is that we happen to find funny- perhaps our behavior? Yeah- it was a riot that I was flirting with my Alpha, who I admitted to myself that I loved, who was already in love with somone else. Heartbreak was hilarious. Any way I looked at it, he was following me as I backed into the forest, smiles on our faces.

What the hell am I doing? Did I just do what I think I did?! Get a grip, Leah! Don't let your hormones get the best of you- this is Jacob Black. You can't let yourself do this. You can't have him. He's already out of reach. I was still moving away from Jacob, turning around and skipping backwards to watch him follow after me with a look of pure confusion and- wait- excitement? Oh shit, Leah! You're making him chase you! I can't be doing this- I can't be playing this sick and twisted version of tag with him! Take a breath- we are still in human form...no running yet. Control yourself, if you don't run, he can't follow, right? So just wait for him to come to his senses...

I crossed behind a tree, peeking out with a playful smile that I couldn't supress. He jogged up with an eyebrow raised and a grin that made me melt. I had a feeling that neither one of us was in control. I reached out, almost as a reflex, to hit him in the chest, but he grabbed my wrist too quickly and we both toppled to the ground. Before I knew what was happening, I rolled away from him and phased at almost the same moment he did. I was tackled again by his russett form, my mouth nipping at his feet and neck playfully as we wrestled around- like two puppies fighting. I was trying to get away and he seemed to be trying to make me concede to him. Like hell. My only instinct was to run. So I obeyed as soon as I had a slight upperhand.

Our yips and barks sent new waves of adrenaline through my body, the fatigue from the ocean all but forgotten. Damn- had I really just got caught back up in this game again? I had to admit- the flirting, courting- whatever you wanted to call it, it felt so- natural. It felt right. At least with Jacob. My heart lurched at this, because once again my head was reminding it that he was only reacting to his nature. Just like Troy said- he can't fight it. This only made my legs quicken, determined not to be caught. I didn't need to get Jacob caught up in the kind of mess I was. No matter how badly I wanted him to get caught up with me.

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_JacobPOV_

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Leah's body dropped over the cliff, disappearing and taking every piece of sanity I had with it. I couldn't breath- my heart had stopped. She couldn't. She couldn't die. I noticed Troy taking a few steps toward the edge, as if he was going after her. Embry yelled her name and it was all in slow motion. Troy took another step closer. This was his fault. His fault and my fault. It was the world's fault for being so cruel to Leah. A growl ripped from my chest as I pushed the asshole out of the way, hearing the crunch of trees as his body was thrown back. Embry called my name, but I didn't bother to hesitate as I dove off the same void I saw Leah disappear into. If she thought I was going to let her go that easily, she was wrong. She couldn't run away from me- I had meant that.

She was already sinking by the time I hit the water. God- she wasn't even trying to fight it, was she? What is it with me and chicks who jump off cliffs? Seems like everytime I turn around I'm having to save some hot chick from drowning. By the time I started dragging her to shore, I wasn't even sure she was still breathing. What would I do without Leah? She was my Beta- she helped me keep everyone in line, she made insults when I made smart remarks, and she- well, she helped me keep things together. Damn it! I was not going to lose her!

I carried her body close to me, thankful that our tempature would counteract the chill of the water. I rocked her shoulders gently, unable to tell if she was breathing until she started coughing up water. "Leah- c'mon hon, wake up..." I was fighting the urge to shake her, scream at her, tell her how much I needed her to be okay. "Leah- can you hear me?! I swear, if you don't die I'm going to kill you myself! Damn it Leah- why'd you have to be so stupid?!" I was near breaking now as her eyes fluttered open. How could she do this to me? I lifted her from the water as I reached the shore, still pressing her close to me.

"You jumped...for me?" Those were her choked words. Of course I jumped for you! What kind of fucking question is that?! I- I just- ...but I couldn't bring myself to say it, could I? I wouldn't say it because no matter what, I did not want to hurt her- not like the rest of them did. I didn't want to say something that would break her. I didn't want to promise her something I couldn't give. Leah deserved better than that. "You're- such.. an idot...Jake." It was good to hear her voice again- I needed to hear it. These days, it was keeping me sane.

I started rambling, anger welling up in me as relief rushed in. I was trying not to sound like I was in pain, but I was sure it was a futile battle. Here I was holding her, naked and wet, and damn, she smelled so...sexy. Not to mention she had just tried to kill herself. "Stupid girl- did you even think? Do you know what it felt like to watch you step off that edge?!" I took a deep breath, trying to lower my voice and calm myself, but I could feel it tugging at my heart. I looked into her face, her hues catching mine in a confused trance.

"Why? Why would you-" Her small voice rasped out. My brows furrowed instantly. Was she really asking why I would save her life? Why wouldn't I? Any of the other guys would have done the same, right? She had to know that. I mean, even the asshole was ready to jump in and save her. It caught me offguard when I felt her fingers on my cheek then. I was snapped from my thoughts and I started to speak, but it occured to me that I wasn't sure what to say. "Leah-" I wanted to tell her it was all going to be alright. I was going to take care of her. Nothing was going to happen to her. I would make sure she was safe. I would protect her. But I couldn't make her promises I couldn't keep, she had too many of them given to her in the past. How could I tell her it would be fine? We both knew it was more complicated than that.

Her hand retracted, leaving my skin tingling in its place. "Let me go, Jacob. Let me down." She spoke so quietly, I might have forgotten it was Leah if her scent wasn't conquering me at the moment. I let her down gently, keeping my eyes on the ground to try and control myself against the hormones threatening to overpower me. I heard her laugh huskily, the salty roughness of her voice nearly gone. "What's the matter, Jake? Can't take your eyes off my irresistable body?" I would have laughed out loud if it weren't true. I settled on a smirk, which seemed to please her.

She was moving around me, her skin teasing mine, touching briefly and moving away. She was coaxing me. "Lee-" I wanted to tell her she was getting herself into trouble. Afterall, it was the hormones, right? Leah would never intentionally flirt with me, right? Was I trying to convince myself?

"Yes?" She moved gracefully, her body completely exposed- a natural and exotic beauty. I found myself trying to stop her, touch her. I only ended up groping air as she playfully darted around me. She was quick, which was to her advantage. Each time her copper skin grazed mine it was harder to think. I felt myself almost growling at the distance she put between us. Fight it, Jacob! You can't let yourself be attracted to her- your both just responding to- Damn, I'm losing it. She was disappearing into the forest and I was following, ready to phase at any minute and catch her. It was so exciting and confusing and frustrating. It reminded me of when we played tag as kids. Hide and Seek. Childish games with no meaning other than fun. Leah laughed again, letting it ring out happily. I missed her laugh. Her genuine laugh that didn't sound like the perfect echo of a vampire, but more flawed- more human. It resembled a cat's pur I suppose, a content deep sound that vibrated up from her chest.

I reached out for her, this time catching us both up as we tripped together, instantly phasing. Without thinking, I jumped her, wanting to be in control of her. I wanted to be tangled up with her. I wanted to get lost with her. She was nipping and barking as we rolled around, but as my head resurfaced, I let her get away. What was I doing? The other minds in my head were only a blur as I chased after her, letting out whines and barks as she picked up the pace. I wanted to catch her, but I couldn't. I couldn't do that to Leah...I didn't want to force her into something she didn't want, I didn't want to hurt her. Yet, instinct was proving to be a hard thing to fight.

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_LeahPOV_

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Like I said, it was a gift- perhaps the only break I would ever get- to be the fastest runner. I could fly across the ground, everything passing in a blur. My lungs burned for more oxygen, my legs aching to sprint faster. I took a wide, rounded turn, jumping over a log in a graceful stride. I hadn't heard Jacob behind me for quite a few minutes, but I wouldn't stop. Any moment, Troy's pack would be catching up with my scent, because that was just my luck.

I was Leah, cursed to be miserable, loveless, and perhaps enslaved to an idiot for the rest of my possibly eternal life. My mere existence must have pissed the fates off. Then there was Jacob, the boy who had just saved my useless self. The endearing man who saw through my pain a lifetime ago, who experienced my heartache and made me trust him. That was the beginning of the end. The moment I saw Jacob through all the darkness like a fleck of light. I blamed him. I realised that now. I might never forgive him. How could I forgive him? He imprinted and left me, just like Sam. Yet, I held different grudges against them. Sam I had hated for leaving me. He didn't even put up a fight, he just accepted cosmic bullshit and turned his back on me. Yes, Sam I hated because he left me, Jacob I begrudged because he made me love him. How do you forgive someone for that?

My mind refocused on the task at hand. I slowed to a stop when I crossed paths with a familiar scent. Seth's scent. Seth's blood? I inhaled a few more times, looking around anxiously as I realized it was not only Seth's blood, but other's from my packs, and then unfamiliar bloods, too. I tried to listen for some sound, something that would tell me they were alright. I cursed the fact that I was no longer connected to them in my head. I knew the amounts of blood in the area weren't anything to worry about, minor injuries at most, but the thought that my brother and all the other wolves were fighting for me- fighting over me...it was sickening. I'm sure lesser girls would have been flattered, something to just boost their ego. This...this wasn't right. They didn't deserve to be pitted against one another- to be fighting a useless war over a useless bitch.

All I wanted was to end it. I couldn't even think of what it would be like if one of my brothers were seriously hurt because of this vicious game nature decided to descend upon me. Apparently, someone like to watch me twist in pain, but I didn't want to play anymore. More of Troy's pack would show up, if they hadn't already, to help him with his agenda. We didn't even know how big his pack was, though I was sure it wasn't bigger than our 32 combined wolves. Still, it would be stupid to risk their lives for mine. Even though they might be willing to take that risk, I wasn't. I wasn't worth it. So what if I was never going to be with someone I loved? That was the story of my life from the beginning, wasn't it? I just had to accept the fact that my life was fucked up. I couldn't even die- suicide would fix nothing at this point. I was positive that Troy's ego and his one-track-mind wouldn't be satisfied until he got what he wanted. Which happen to be me. If I were gone, they would probably all just start a war, because they were boys fighting over a toy. Testosterone clouded everything in their minds at this point. No, Troy wouldn't be happy until he got his trophy...which only left me with the worst of all options. Obviously, the fates not only hate me- they frequently conspire against me.

A loud and broken sound ripped through me, starting as a howl and choking into sobs as I phased. Tears drowned my face as I let myself cry for the last time. Every pain before now, every heartache I had endured, they were all just dull aches compared to this. The absolute certainty that I was losing everything. My mother, my brother, my friends, my chance at love, my freedom, my happiness- it was all coming to an end. I would be giving myself to a man who I couldn't even imagine kissing. The pain of not just losing it all, but having to give it up...let it go. My body was exhausted with sobs and painful thoughts shredding through it. I was shriveled on the ground, but I knew I had to go. I walked mechanically, clenching my teeth to fight against my crying.

It was only moments before I came to a bend in the Quillayute River, not very deep at this particular spot, but beautiful. I looked down, taking in my reflection in the mirroring waters for long, dragging minutes. I was disheveled and unkempt, but my natural curse of attractive qualities still seemed to show through. I would have dove into the cold waters to wash up if I thought it would make a difference, but I knew it would not. I would still feel heavy and unpleasant when I surfaced. So my feet took me forward again. I tried to drink in the appearance of things around me, focusing past the haze that swirled around my mind. Yet, it was easy to see past the hormones and dizziness of this heat when I was consumed with sorrow. Would this be the last time I walked the grounds of my home? The last time I would see the small reservation I had come to love?

I thought about the Makah reservation. I couldn't yet bring myself to think about the fact that I would be...Stop thinking about that. I had visited a few times, when I was younger. I stayed with Emily and some relatives. It was considerably larger than the Quillette reservation, covering the northern tip of the Olympic Peninsula. La Push was just a small village compared to the bustling little city of Neah Bay on the Makah reservation. I would miss the quiet and familiar.

I phased back into my large wolf stature, knowing it would make it easier to hide my emotions this way. As crazy as it was, I missed the destroying of clothes as I phased frantically. God- I think I even miss the stench of the Cullens. I had admitted to myself sometime ago that I was friends with them, which is why it felt strange to be so enraged by their scent that first night of this disaster. But that brought my thoughts right back to Jacob...somewhere I couldn't keep them. I let them drift fluidly back to the Cullens, because in a way I was helping them, too. We couldn't have strange wolves sniffing around and finding them. Yes, this deal would save everyone. At least everyone that mattered.

I took a deep breath as I caught a heartwrenching wave of Troy's scent, bled into other unfamiliar scents. I let out a long howl, trying to call to him. I was only thankful that my voice held without cracking. I knew how near I was to our homes. The reservation was just a stone's throw from my spot in the forest. Even so, I really had no reason to worry about Jacob or the other's arriving. My mind told me they would be at the Cullen's. Jacob- even the name brought me pain- yes, he would be with Nessie...I had kept him away too long. It was a tempting thought as I stood here, to go back to my home for a few fleeting moments. More than that, I wanted to go see Billy Black. The old fool was like a second father to me- always offering me whatever it was he thought I could use. Advice, a smile or a beer...or even a couch to crash on if I was fighting with my mother. He always made things seem better, just like his son did. I could have used some of that about now.

Jacob filled my mind at that moment. The confident smirk he gives you when you're insulting each other, knowing that the banter is only a flirty, thrilling sort of fun you both get a sick pleasure out of. His deep brown eyes and perfect copper skin. The way his muscles framed his body, giving him a stature that you could only dream of taking to bed with you. I could even imagine what he would be like as a lover. Gentle and caring, but rough and satisfying all at the same time. If it were possible for my heart to break any further, I was sure I felt it now. The gravely and warm sound of his voice, like an ocean wave- I missed it already. The way he knew when something bothered you, his apologetic tone when he was upset. Damn it. I had let myself get in over my head before I knew I was swimming. I wanted to see him one more time. My heart wanted to feel that flutter he gave me when his skin touched mine. I wanted to tell him...that I loved him. But I knew, even if he were here, I would have nothing to say. I couldn't. So I could only wish for things that would never happen.

Be careful what you fucking wish for is a lesson I should have learned a long time ago. When I wished for a peaceful death- the one where I just disappeared and was silently forgotten- I hadn't really thought that wish out. Of course it was going to make everyone's life easier, to forget me- but it was going to make the rest of my days HELL. Now all I had left to wish for was a peaceful exit. If I disappeared into nothingness, it wouldn't take long before everyone let me go and forgot I was ever here. They would have better things to do than worry about where I went.

All I had left to wish for was an unnoticed disappearance. I could only hope that my pack would stay unaware of my sacrifice as a martyr, at least until I was gone. I was use to this part as the victim, the persecution inflicted upon me by fate was nothing new. But like I said, Be damn careful what you fucking wish for. Because if you are me, Leah the absolute unluckiest martyr under the stars, constantly betrayed by hope and wishful thinking- then you'll end up wishing for peace and starting a war.

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Again, a bit short, but I found a good stopping point and couldn't bring myself to keep you guys waiting for a little update. So, let me know what you think. I apologize if it's a bit confusing as some points, but I'll try to clear up questions if you have them.

_THIS IS LEAH/JACOB_- make no mistake, but like they say- its always darkest before the dawn. And it is going to seem pretty dark for Leah. No worries, nothing she can't handle, just good drama and plot twists. Thanks for reading.


	4. Pretty Girl is Suffering

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**Chapter 4 "When they said 'its never too late', they lied."**

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_I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done..._

_To think I might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbyes  
I nearly do..._

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice I  
'll be right beside you dear.  
Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say...  
-"Run" Snow Patrol_

All I could think about were Leah's hands. It was stupid, but I couldn't stop. They were so small, so fragile when I had seen them last. Frail and shaking little fingers with chipped black nail polish looking slender in comparison to my own large clumsy pair. Soft copper colored skin stretched over bones, nothing like my dark and calloused clunky limbs. My mind kept wandering to her hands laced with mine, but I tried to focus on the perfection of her hands to stray from that particular thought. Everytime I saw her face, it was buried in those hands, soaked with tears. Damn. I hated to see her cry, but right now, that was the only image of her I could recall.

I sighed heavily, trying to wipe the image of her from my mind. My hands were shoved deep into the pockets of my cut-off jeans, fists still clenched. I couldn't believe I lost her. No- I couldn't believe I was chasing her. I was supposed to be helping her, protecting her- not letting my hormones get carried away like the rest of the pack. I was suppose to be strong enough to stop myself, for her. I can't let myself act like one of those assholes- like Troy who only looked at her like a dog drooling over a steak. Even the thought of the ignorant boy made my body shake with anger, ready to phase and tear him apart. The thoughts in his mind when we were both in wolf form- they were disgusting enough to make me gag! The things he imagined himself doing to her, the way he saw her body- he didn't even know her!

He didn't know the funny and sarcastic Leah I knew. The way her eyes lit up when she laughed one of those rare laughs or how her scent reminded you of wild roses. He didn't see the way she tried to cover things up or hide her emotions, or the way she always tried to stay strong, even if she was falling apart. A guy like Troy would never understand the playful remarks she made, laced with bitterness and hurt. He would never appreciate the feeling of her sleeping against his chest while driving down a dark road, her fingers curled on his lap, the overwhelming urge to just pull her closer as I leaned down and pressed my lips to her hair, drowning in her scent as I drank it deeper into my lungs, imagining her doing the same. I shook the memory from my thoughts. This wasn't the time. I had to figure out a way to help Leah.

I had been pacing like this around the Cullen's place for awhile now. I was tired, and any other night that might have mattered, but not tonight. The boys were running perimeters, Sam took some of them to scout out the reservation outskirts, but so far, no luck. Troy and his group had dropped off the radar since our little skirmish on the cliff and Leah was trying her hardest not to get caught by either side. Edward was trying to pinpoint her, but her thoughts seemed to be alittle erratic and unfocused. I let out a frustrated noise, hitting a nearby tree with my fist. DAMN. Nothing was helping and I couldn't seem to focus my own thoughts. I was either thinking about jumping Leah or killing Troy. Either way, it wasn't helpful to the situation. So what the hell do I do?

"Jacob!"

It was Edward and Emmett running into the yard, looking in my direction with an odd expression. They had always tolerated Leah a little better than the rest of the Cullens, even got along with her to a point. I stepped out of the treeline with a sigh, confusion and frustration battling on my face. "Yeah?" Damn. My voice sounded strained.

"You have to go- Leah's thoughts-" Emmett started but I cut him off, immediately directing my anger to Edward.

"Fuck- whats wrong?! Did she get caught? What happened- where is she?!" My mind was coming up with the worst possible situations as Edward's face fell.

"She's trying to- Jacob, she wants to give herself up. She's planning to hand herself over to them to save us. To save you and-"

And it was more than I could take. I was gone before Edward could even finish. I had to stop her. Of all the stupid thoughts- she wanted to save us?! When the hell did Leah Clearwater become such a self-sacrificing saint?! How could she even think about giving herself over to him?! What about me?! What about all of her family?! I told her I wouldn't let her go and damn it- she was not going to make a liar out of me!

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LeahPOV

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So there I was, standing face to face with Sam Uley. The first boy to break my heart and the last man on earth I wanted to see at this particular moment. Of course, as the black wolf's familiar eyes stared into mine, I began to feel the annoying and terrifying urge to run. Run at full speed and never look back. Then again, Sam had given me that feeling for awhile now. It also occured to me, in the haze that was building over my mind, that my previous plan of sacrificing myself for the sake of my pack was flawed. If I felt the urge to run- how was I going to give myself over to Troy? Damn- I was going to have to think that through a little better. I was pretty sure that sheer willpower wouldn't cut it. I felt myself backing away, my instincts taking hold of me. Sam seemed to be at a loss for what to do.

He backed away slowly, noticing my hesitation and fear. It grabbed my attention that something was different when I looked at my ex-lover's eyes. I didn't love him. I didn't dredge up memories or rekindle feelings within myself that were painful and unnecessary. Granted, I hadn't actually felt anything for Sam in quite sometime, but it was odd to not even recognize him in the same way. It use to be Sam, someone who betrayed me, but now it seemed it was Sam, just another face in the crowd. _I was apathetic._ I finally found apathy toward Sam! Damn- maybe the whole heat thing wasn't so aweful...

But at that moment, because the fates have my life-string constantly in knots to amuse them, a large, slate grey wolf jumped on Sam from absolutely nowhere. Both of their forms rolled away from me, snarls and vicious barks erupting as they fought. I didn't stay to see the outcome, no matter how much I wanted to help. I could smell the others. Both from my pack and from the Makah's. I was running back through the forest, passing blurs on either side of me as scents overtook me. Male wolves, both familiar and not. I was practically aching with the need to get away. I can't run forever, damnit! I'm screwing everything up! Again!

As they passed me by, slowing to turn around and give chase, I tried to figure out something. Anything. Unfortunately, I should have been paying more attention. A wolf, which I ran right up on, went down with me, both of us snarling and biting in fits of anger and desire. I couldn't help feeling aroused, but I knew this wasn't what I wanted. I could never want this. I tried to push the wolf off of me, determined to get away, but another thick blur removed the attacker from me and disappeared in growls and claws. I ran again. I could smell blood and lust all over the forest, drowning out everything. I could smell the pungent odor of my own blood clearly as well, though I was too full of adrenaline to even guess where my extensive wounds must be. How was I going to stop? I couldn't let this useless violence continue- Seth could be hurt- or any one of my brothers. God- Jacob could-

I could hear paws behind me, not too far behind. His scent would have let me know who he was even if I didn't hear the sounds of their yips and howls. Troy, along with one of his friends trailing behind. I looked ahead, focused on running for a moment, until I noticed where we were headed. Up ahead, there was a path we all knew well. We had run it several times over. We knew it so well, in fact, that we knew exactly where a small fox hole was dug in the path so we could keep up with where not to step. God, I was a genius. Stupid and cursed, but a genius!

So, before I could even think twice about it, and against all instinct and common sense, I made sure that my front leg stepped right on top of the void that gave way to the fox hole as we strode by it. This caused my persuers to stop short as I went down in a tumble, a sharp yelp erupting from my body as the pain crawled up my possibly broken leg. Damn I was good. I had to give myself that. I finally figured out a way to stop running, to play the martyr that fate desperately demand I be. And as Troy's features took over an expression of satisfaction, like he had just caught a large elk, I cringed. My body tensed and I growled, obviously willing to put up a fight. I was more than willing to give in, but of course, instinct made life difficult. Apparently, the fates were demanding a fight- wanting me to struggle for my freedom so Troy could prove his strength. _Wonderful. _My eyes rolled.

I just wanted to scream. This was all so unnecessary. Yes, I knew who was best for me. I knew who was the strongest, fastest, and obviously the best Alpha. A perfect match, but I was going to get Troy. I couldn't have the best, because he was already taken. I wondered if female wolves had this problem in the past...needing, wanting the best, but settling for what was available. Perhaps that was what this whole test was about- the best of what was available. When I came out of my reverie, my barks and growls were more intense, Troy practically breathing down my neck as he approached. Damn, my leg really hurt. That was the last time I was going to step in a fox hole.

Troy barked some sort of command that made the two wolves of his pack back off. They looked just as hungry as he did, but they obeyed reluctantly, watching with glazed eyes in the background as their leader circled his prey like a true predator. I stood on three legs, not even attempting to put weight on my pulsing injury. Damn, this leg might take awhile to heal. Troy paced in front of me with what seemed to be a chuckle, his eyes gleaming. I shouldn't have broken my leg, I shouldn't have let myself do this. Because now- now all I could think of was Jacob and how I wished he and I...but that was stupid. I was stupid. Everything was so fucked up.

I took a deep breath against the pain. No really- that was the last time I was EVER going to step in a damn fox hole. I limped backwards just as Troy came closer, his body brushing against me as he growled, then pushed me roughly. I bit at him, snapping my jaws at the air as I fell down against a tree, off balance with only three legs. My growls turned into snarls and barks, trying to intimidate him. It wasn't working. He seemed amused by my resistance to his domination techniques. I was worried about Sam, and Jacob, and Seth...I was worried about everyone but myself. Maybe I didn't care what happened to me- as long as everyone else was fine, as long as they were happy- why did it matter what happened to me? Shit- that was a depressing thought.

The asshole took advantage of my distraction, knocking me to the ground hard. He towered over me, pressing his feet to my chest as a growl erupted from my throat. The more I struggled, the more my leg felt like it was on fire. Why wasn't this as easy as I pictured? A whine escaped me as I moved my leg underneath me again. I was trying not to roll over as best I could. If he could make me vulnerable, make me submissive, it was over. I didn't want this. I didn't want to be the martyr, but when did it ever matter what I wanted? I barked again, most of the sounds coming from me now sounding whimperish and hurt, broken even. He seemed to be reveling in the last moments of my freedom, his jaws coming down to take hold of my neck, lowering slowly as if he knew it was almost over. I guessed this was how little red riding hood must have felt.

Of course, little red riding hood didn't have a large russett wolf come to her rescue. I could hardly process what had just happened, it was all in the blink of an eye. My emotions, my instincts, everything was in a blur- they were all giving me mixed signals. Stay with him, run. You have to get away, help him! Please, no. No. I can't leave- that was Jacob! That reddish blur fighting tooth and nail for me- the anger and concern in his growls, the fury I could feel coming from him in waves- he cared. He cared enough about me to save me. To risk his own life for my useless one. He was helping me...he didn't love me, but he cared enough to try to save me from my unfair fate. My heart lurched, on the verge of letting my thoughts be carried away to painful places. And as much as it pleased me to have this knowledge, I was horrified as I watched him battle Troy. They wrestled around, locked together in a fit of blood and teeth. Rising growls and violent noises erupted from the two, both males fighting for the upper hand.

It seemed as though the two males watching might have joined in too, making my anxious heart race even faster with fear until Embry and Quil appeared, both howling and seemingly excited to be involved in the fight. We all stood on the sidelines, however, watching Jacob and Troy bite and claw at each other in a twistedly violent dance. Our eyes followed their almost poetic motions, unable to look away. I found myself unable to breathe, unable to think. I wasn't able to exist until the outcome was determined. This fight was sure to reveal my fate and if something happened to Jacob, I would have no fate at all. I would cease to exist.

The breath I wasn't aware I was holding was let go. Everything fell in that moment. Time resumed it normal pace and the pain in my leg was noticeable again. As was the pain in my chest. Jacob had thrown Troy into a nearby tree, apparently knocking him out for the moment. My breathing seemed to even out as I realized he would stay there at least for an hour. My chest seemed to tighten further. I knew it wasn't over. My eyes scanned the wounds on Jacob's body, the dark red liquid making his fur appear patchy and matted. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, I wanted to tell him how stupid he was for saving me. Most of all, I wanted to tell him that this was my fault. That he shouldn't be doing this- he shouldn't be risking his life for me. I wanted to tell him anything if I could just hear his voice in return. I noticed my breathing had slowed even more, only shallow breaths escaping my lungs. My heart lurched painfully forward again, as if skipping a beat. My chest was still tightening, like a clamp was being screwed onto it- the pain of my body seeping into my mind as I collapsed.

My eyes followed Jacob's form as he rushed to my side, phasing instantly. I wish my vision were clearer, so I could see his features better. His lips were moving, but everything was very muffled. Damn. I wanted to hear his voice. I needed that voice. I didn't notice I was human again until Jacob picked me up, his body warm against me. I was cold, freezing actually...something I hadn't felt in who knows how long. But I felt safe, warm against his body. My instincts were only a small memory in the back of my mind now as I fought to stay conscious. I couldn't run or fight or even think about wanting to. I just wanted to stay awake and watch Jake. It was a futile effort as my eyes closed against my will.

I dreamed, as I often do these days, of Jacob. The look on his face as he phased, running towards me when I collapsed- he was scared. I didn't understand. What was he afraid of? Troy was unconscious, so it wasn't him. He couldn't be afraid for me- that wasn't logical. That wouldn't make sense. If I were gone, Jacob wouldn't have to worry about a war breaking out. Everything would be peaceful and happy again without Leah screwing it all up. I mean, seriously, I was like the damn bringer of chaos. A smell leaked into me. Invaded my dream. I could see Jacob, his deep brown wolf eyes staring back at me. It was his scent- it reeked of something different. At first, I thought it was the leeches, horribly sickly-sweet was the only way to describe them, a frostbitten icy scent that burned your nose. No, this was different, and as I studied his figure I realized he was still caked in blood from the fight. I knew the scent, I just couldn't place it. I let my mind wander back over its familiarity, only to have it hit me in the gut like a sack of rocks. Death. It was that rotting, putrid stench of death that settled over someone hours before they died. An almost acid scent that crept up and flooded a person's body as the last of their life flowed out of them. It didn't suit my Jacob. It made me sick to the point of turning away. I tried to cry out, but nothing happened.

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JacobPOV

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I saw her perfectly through Sam's thoughts. She looked so lost. So fragile, even as a wolf, just like I had remembered those small hands of hers, so breakable. My legs pushed forward as I willed Sam not to let her go, sprinting over the ground. I tried to focus on her, but everything blacked. Sam's thoughts were racing with anger and suprise as he fought off one of the Makah pack members. My heart was going to dig its way out of my chest if it beat any faster. I pressed myself harder without hesitation. I had to get there. _I had to get there right now._

I picked up her scent. Seth, Quil and Embry's thoughts all yelling at once about helping, but my thoughts told them to avoid conflict. I didn't need them picking fights. I knew Sam had his fight under control. Now I just had to find her. She was alright- she had to be alright. This was Leah. If anything happened to her- No, she was alright. Then I heard her. She was up ahead, a horrifying sound coming from her. I had never heard her make a noise like that. It was so- painful. An almost strangled whine. It was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever heard. I was furious. I was going to kill him. I could hear the others in my head, sympathetic and disgusted. Yet, the only thing I knew was that Troy was hurting my Leah- and I was going to kill him.

Before I even realized I was attacking, I had Troy pinned to the ground, trying to rip his throat out. There was nothing else, just the image of Leah on the ground under that asshole. I couldn't feel, couldn't see, just tasted his blood as I tried to dismantle him. We both wrestled and nawed at each other, a fit a fur and teeth. I'm not even sure how long it lasted before I found an opening, grabbing his hind leg in my jaws and swinging his body into a nearby tree with a sickening crack. I hesitated, ready to finish him off before Quil and Embry's thoughts brought me back to earth. Back to Leah. My eyes fell on her shaking form, blood splashing some of her silver tinted coat, her front leg curled up in an obvious injury, her eyes glazed with exhaustion. It was that moment that I realized what I hadn't before. I loved her.

I don't even know when it happened, but I didn't care. I wanted her. I wanted her now and forever. For as long as our unnaturally long lives would last. I wanted her to be by my side, not just as my Beta or my second in command- she was going to be mine. My Leah. And as I realized this, I wanted desperately to know what she was thinking. I missed her- I missed her being in my head and knowing her thoughts. It was a powerful feeling, almost like imprinting all over again, but more real. More tangible. When I imprinted, it was like being blinded by an amazing light after coming out of a darkness. All you could see was the light, you couldn't see past it or around it. Now, however, it was like that light faded- still shining, but only enough to illuminate things around it, not blinding or dominating, just there. Leah was more like falling in love should be. _More freedom_.

I loved her because I wanted to, not because I was tied to her with some unbreakable cosmic string.

I was about to take a step toward her when my thoughts stopped completely. Leah collapsed, phasing all at once. My heart stopped for a moment, as I took off to her side. Quil and Embry took a step toward us, also keeping a watchful eye on the two Makah wolves who were trying to awaken Troy. I took a deep breath, relieved to find she was only falling asleep. I cringed slightly when I noticed her mangled leg, obviously broken, maybe in more than one place. I picked her up as gently as I could, her skin feeling cooler than usual against my own. I breathed in her scent, the metallic scent of her blood tainting the wonderful smell. I looked down into her peaceful face, trying to memorize her features. I pushed a stray strand of hair from her forehead, already wondering what I was going to do when she woke up.

Stupid girl- she was always getting herself into trouble. Maybe that was why I loved her...

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Like it? Well then let me know! okay- so I'm fully aware that I suck a little at writing actiony/fight scenes- but its a little hard to describe two wolves fighting without getting boringly complex and technical. I find less is more with violence, just let readers imagine the fight as they want to. I hope you liked it. R&R!


	5. If It Keeps You Alright

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**Chapter 5 "Because there's a hole where something was."**

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Where can I turn?  
Cause I need something more  
Surrounded by uncertainty  
I'm so unsure  
Tell me why I feel so alone  
cause I need to Know  
to whom do I owe?

Explain to me this conspiracy against me  
And tell me how I've lost my power

I thought that we'd make it  
Because you said that we'd make it through  
And when all security fails  
will you be there to help me through

Explain to me this conspiracy against me  
And tell me how I've lost my power

I've lost my power.

-"Conspiracy" Paramore

I wanted her. I wanted her from the moment I saw her across that crowded room in Aaron's party. None of the girls in the Makah village compared with her and she was exactly what I was looking for. She was strong, confident and to top it all off, she was an Alpha Female. Hell yes- I would have her. Maybe it was her scent, that intoxicating mixture of feminine heat and pheromones that permeated everything about her. She was just coming into heat, even my Beta, Madoc and Cody could smell it. And her eyes, those dark hues with a tint of blue under long feathery lashes. Her hair, which also exuded the same arousing scent, was damp and wavy like dark ribbons. She was challenging and defiant and damn it if I didn't love a challenge.

I remembered how the scent hit me in the face as a breeze came in the door that night. Cody nudged me quietly, gesturing toward the dark young girl that had stepped in beside Aaron. "Troy, looks like La Push has its own set of protectors...complete with female companions." At the time, I smiled, still cautious and confused about another set of wolves. But then, as our instincts began to take hold of us, we thought of nothing but our hormones. Madoc warned me against it, he was always the voice of reason, but I wanted her. Nothing was going to stop me. It was the laws of nature, the strongest get what they want. _I always got what I wanted._

So as Madoc pulled me from the ground, my head pounding- all I knew was that someone had taken away exactly what I was after. Damn- I was so fucking close to having her. All I had to do was bite her, mark her as mine and no wolf would be able to touch her. I could practically feel that beautiful silver fur between my teeth, seeping with blood from my mark. Madoc's thoughts were still urging me to leave, to let her go back to her Alpha. I growled against the pain of my wounds, sifting through the thoughts of my pack to collect my own. Part of my pack was already here, unable to contain their curiosity, the others were still tending to their loved ones at home and protecting our land. I didn't really need my pack for this. I would use what I had. I would take my revenge. I will get what I want. I always do.

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_ LeahPOV_

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I could hear the rain against the window and roof as I began to wake up. That was possibly the worst nightmare I had ever had. Who knew that having boys want you could be such a pain in the ass. I tried to bury my head in the pillow, keeping my eyes closed- if I could just sleep a little longer then maybe I could avoid having to face my werewolf duties today. I took a deep breath, realizing that the stench of vampires was everywhere. The shock forced my eyes open, my body started to sit up, but the sudden movement caused me to wince in pain. I sighed, letting everything seep in slowly. So my nightmare was a reality...

I pulled myself up slowly; the thunder rolling softly outside along with the trickle of the rain was a comforting noise in the quiet house. I recognized this room, one of the guest bedrooms in the Cullen home. Jake and several of the boys from the pack would crash here every so often when they were patrolling late nearby. A faint pain crept up my forearm, which was wrapped in a splint and obviously not completely healed. Did I mention that I was never going to step in a fox hole again? I was examining my arm carefully, Carlisle's work no doubt, when I noticed the distinct breathing that hummed along with the quiet rhythm of the storm outside.

A smile ghosted my lips when my eyes met a sleeping Jacob. He sat stretched out on the large recliner in the corner, passed out with his arms over his broad chest. The dim grey light from the window-walls of glass that surrounded us illuminated his dark features pleasantly. My heart contracted and I stole my eyes away from him. I was still exhausted. I breathed deeply again, noting that I wasn't able to pick Jake's scent out of the vampire stench. It was for the best, for now. If I didn't smell him, I was certain I could control myself a little better. However, it did seem that the Cullen's scent was amplified- worse in some way. I would be glad when that was over. This thought made me fidget slightly. What would happen when this was all over? Where would I be? Would I still be here, making jokes with Jacob and picking on my brother? Or would I be long gone- somewhere farther north with a new pack, a new Alpha- a new misery?

"Penny for your thoughts?"

My eyes shifted from the blanket I was twisting to his brown hues. Damn he was beautiful. I nearly lost my breath for a moment. I laughed shortly, a bitter and resentful laugh. I wasn't even sure what to say to him now. What would I say to any of them? So much had changed in such a short time. I swallowed dryly as he stretched out his muscles. "I'm sorry..." My brow knitted together, trying to offer some sort of detached apology. I wasn't even sure of what I was apologizing for, but it felt more appropriate than anything else. Jake was shaking his head, then he rolled his eyes with a smirk.

"What the hell do you have to be sorry for, Leah?" He seemed almost disappointed in something. God, his voice was so amazing. I was trying not to breathe- one hint of that intoxicating scent would send me back into the fog of heat, and I was enjoying his voice too much for that.

"I don't know. Everything? I just-" My arm lay in my lap uselessly as I searched for reasons that didn't exist. Damn. Nothing.

"Stop right there, Leah. I don't want to hear all this bullshit sorry stuff. You don't have anything to be sorry for. Okay? Well, except being stupid- what were you thinking?! Handing yourself over to that douchebag? C'mon Leah- did you think I wouldn't be able to protect you?" He was leaning forward in his seat now, an almost angry expression covering his face.

I rolled my eyes, taking a sarcastic tone. "Oh no great Alpha, I have complete faith in you." I laughed half-heartedly. Jacob smirked, but I could see that tinge of sadness in his expression. I could even hear the finality in my own voice, as though I should be saying my last goodbyes, instead of cracking jokes.

"Seriously, Leah. Why would you do that? You...I mean- you didn't really want to go with him, did you? I mean- cause if you did-" I shook my head furiously, laughing slightly.

"Hell no, Jacob Black. Why in the fuck would I ever be attracted to a douchebag like Troy?!" I smirked, but I could still see the question in his chocolate eyes. I sighed, looking for the correct choice of words. "I- ...I just didn't want you to get hurt. Any of you...and I'm such a useless waste anyway, I just figured it would be better for everyone if-" But I was blank. I could smell it now, surrounding me. Masculine hormones and that fiery canine smell of werewolf mixed with the smoky smell of autumn leaves burning. I bit my lip against the frantic urges that were beginning to rise. I tried to hold my breath, burying my nose in my sleeve as I pulled my knees close to my chest.

"C'mon, Leah- I can't speak for everyone, but I wouldn't be better off if you left. Seriously, who would I argue with if you weren't around? You can't leave me here with just your brother- he'll kill me with optimism! And damn, if Sam really does combine the packs again, who's gonna keep Paul in his place?" I laughed hesitantly, only now noticing that he had moved much closer, sitting on the edge of the bed. That must be why his scent is assaulting me. My eyes studied him for a moment, finally resting on his face. There was something about the way he was looking at me. Something different.

"And what if I have to leave Jake? You'll take care of Seth, right? For me? And my mom, too...she- I don't think she'll understand..." His expression seemed darker at my statement and the somber mood in the room was possibly the only thing keeping my hormones in check. There was definately something different in his eyes- even in his voice. I shifted, unable to put my finger on it.

"Leah, hon- I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Alright?" _Oh God._ The way he was looking at me, I was losing my breath. "You're going to be by my side, where you belong. Ya know, if thats where you want to be..." My heart lost its pace as his hand graced my cheek. I realized now what the difference was. He was looking at me the way he did in my dreams, as if he loved me. This would have to be the cruelest dream I had ever experienced. I assured myself it wasn't a dream, but also that I was wrong. Jacob would never look at anyone other than his imprint- least of all me. I heard him exhale heavily, probably waiting for some response to something I didn't hear. The only thing I was paying attention to now was the cold trail left on my skin where his fingers had been. I looked back to his eyes, an eyebrow raised expectantly.

"Ummm- what?" I asked dumbly. Damn, now I felt like an idiot. Then again, if thats what it took to make him smirk like he was now, I would gladly feel like an idiot more often. He rolled his eyes playfully.

"You're denser than Paul sometimes, ya know that?"

I gave him an angry expression, punching his large arm while shaking my head. "Damn it, Jacob. Here you got me thinking you're so deep and caring, then you go and fuck it up by comparing me to dickhead!" I crossed my arms over my chest, looking away with frustration. In reality, I was more frustrated in myself- I was having a hard time trying to keep myself so close to Jacob without running away or playfully coaxing him. I took a deep breath, almost startled as Jacob's hand layed on my shoulder.

"Sorry." I could tell he wasn't finished. He looked at me with slight annoyance, but there was still something I couldn't place- something different. I resisted the urge to compare it again to the way I imagined him. "You keep telling me that I don't care, Leah. You said it on the cliff, too. You're wrong. We all care about you- we'll all fight for you, ya know." His stare was intense- those gorgeous brown eyes. My brow furrowed, his scent hitting me in another dizzying blast as I shook my head.

"No, Jake. I don't want you to have to fight for me. Do you know what it would do to me if something happened to you? He's never going to stop- he's just going to end up starting a war. I can't risk your life..." At this point, I didn't even realize that I was starting to cry until my voice broke. Damn it. Hormones were a bitch.

"Shhh..hon, it'll be fine- you're gonna be okay...I'm going to protect you." His warm hands were on either side of my face now, rubbing the tears away with his rough thumbs. My hand went to his instinctively, my face turning into his palm to drink in his scent. God, I can't be doing this. I can't be giving in. My breath hitched, pulling away from him suddenly. My hand dropped as I backed off the bed, cradling my broken arm as I tried to escape him.

"You can't do this to me, Jacob." My grief was apparent in my tone. I was hardly looking at him, but I could tell he was confused. He seemed hurt, afraid that he had done something wrong.

"Calm down, Lee. Do what? What did I do?" He stood up, pleading with me quietly. That deep husky voice that I could never forget.

"This! You can't just make me believe you- you just can't...you can't say things like this...God, Jake- do you know what you're doing to me?" I could feel more tears drowning my eyes and falling down my cheeks. I just wanted to run. Run until everything made sense again. Oddly enough, I couldn't bring myself to leave the room. So here I was, pressed against the wall of this cage. How could he do this to me?! How could he give me false hope about staying here, with him, when we all knew that fate was just going to tear us apart? I was just coming to terms with the fact that I was going to be a pet to some asshole- then Jacob Black comes along to make me love him all over again! Damn it- I hadn't even forgiven him for making me love him the first time! He was coming closer. My good arm was wrapped around me, trying to hold myself together.

"Please stop crying, Lee. I can't stand to see you cry- I swear- its gonna be okay." His hands were held out defensively and his face pleaded with me. All I could think of was the fight. What if he had died? What if he were killed? There were bandages on his chest from healing wounds- scars that I was responsible for. This was my fault.

"You don't know that, Jake. You don't know..." My head was shaking solemnly, my voice only a whisper. I wanted to believe him, I desperately needed to hope for something, but that would be a mistake. One I could not afford to make. Yet, I could feel the glimmer of his words within me, making my spirits rise. I could feel my heart, an unsure and mournful beat in my chest. Then, I felt his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I was drowning in that delicious scent. My mind was lost. My heart was racing, the adrenaline returning to my veins, but I fought it with every inch of my being- just to stay in his grasp a little longer.

"Shhh..." He whispered. His body's heat, his scent, everything was overwhelming. "I just need you to hold on, Leah. Things will get better soon. Just trust me, alright?" He kissed the top of my head and pulled away, leaving me colder than I had felt in years. I was too far in shock to think about his gestures too deeply. I would leave that heartache for another day. I had enough to deal with for the moment. He headed for the door, flashing me that smirk, but it was flawed- marred with an emotion I couldn't place. Sadness? Desperation? Or maybe it was me- just reflecting my own feelings on him to make myself think I was seeing something underneath that perfect smirk. "I'll be back soon, just try to get some rest, please?"

And he was gone. I immediately began to pace around the room. My chest was constricting and I was sure by the time this whole ordeal was done, I would end up having a heart attack just like my father. I wanted nothing more than to just go back to bed and wake up when everything was over, but I knew I could never sleep through this. I was too worried now. I had a horrible feeling churning in the pit of my stomach. That dream. That damn nightmare about Jacob- it was so convincing. I had felt it, in the very depths of my soul- I had felt him slipping away from me. I tried to shake the thoughts away, but they plagued my mind. Especially now that I was alone. I could almost smell it now, the bitter scent of death. The way I knew he was dying. It felt like he still was. STOP IT. Don't think like this...

I was pulled out of my reverie by a soft knock at the door. I wiped my eyes one last time, leaning against one of the windows as I watched the door open slowly. I bit my lip, the swirl in my head unrelenting, but controllable for now. Being drowned in the scent of vampires was making me more edgy and nervous, as opposed to wanting to be chased by horny werewolves. My eyes met with liquid gold at the doorway as little Renesmee Cullen walked in cautiously, followed by her father just steps behind. Great. This was just what I needed...

"I'm glad to hear that you've retained your thick sarcasm, Leah." Edward raised a brow. I would have forced a smug smile if I thought it wouldn't turn out crooked and sour. It wasn't worth the effort at this point. Renesmee was approaching slower than usual. That was the next thing I took into account as I let my thoughts wander outside my current situation. She seemed hesitant. It was unusual for the munchkin when she normally ran up and jumped you with a fierce hug. I realized it was probably my appearance.

"Its not." Edward shook his head softly from the doorway. "She's afraid she might hurt you. She just wanted to come see if you were hungry." My brow furrowed together as I stared back at Edward, then focused on Renesmee, trying to decipher her motives. Did I really look that weak and pathetic right now? Or was she just being nice? I had never been openly mean to the little thing, but then I had never been very affectionate toward her either. While Jake and everyone else fawned over her, I had tried not to pay her much attention, aside from an awkward hug or misplaced smile when our paths crossed. I had genuinely tried to refrain from thinking of her at all in the presence of those who could read minds. Yet, she seemed to like me more than I deserved. I didn't dislike her these past years, I simply avoided liking her. I didn't want to admit that I could be friends with the thing that I hated so much only a short time ago. The thing that Jacob imprinted on. How could I like what took him away from me? Then again, it was more my fault for not being able to hold on to him.

I realized Edward was giving me a pitiful stare, obviously hearing my thought train like a revealing conversation. I rolled my eyes, sighing deeply as he said nothing. Renesmee however, cleared her throat and smiled pleasantly. "Are you hungry, Aunt Lee? Jake wants us to bring you something so you can eat while uncle Jasper is keeping you calm...so what would you like?" I processed the information as best I could, answering with something vague about food. Renesmee hurried out of the room with a satisfied look, leaving me alone with her father. The comment about Jasper was more intriguing than the mention of food.

I fidgeted with the sleeve of the sweater I was wearing, only briefly wondering where I had even got these clothes and who had dressed me. I looked back out the window, rain splashing against the glass and dripping down smoothly. I could feel it, Jasper's control. It was like someone was physically holding me down in some way. It wasn't an aweful feeling, but I knew my hormones were trying to break the hold. I felt their pull and push against the invisible chains like a wave crashing against the rocks. "Yeah, Jasper is having a hell of a time trying to keep you calm. We're not sure how much longer its going to last actually." Edward sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment. I leaned back against the window, closing my eyes to try and work through a strategy while I still had my sanity.

'I'm so tired of trying to fight this, Edward...what the hell am I going to do?' For once, I appreciated the mind reading thing. It was comforting not to have to find words for my scrambled feelings. I didn't bother to open my eyes, fighting against the image of him pitying me again. I could hear it all too well in his voice.

"You're such a pessimist, Leah. Do you really believe Jacob is going to let anything happen to you?" I opened my eyes just to roll them. I let my gaze fall on a space near the floor, staring aimlessly. I wasn't sure what I believed anymore, but somehow- I felt like Edward would understand better than most. I remembered him leaving Bella for her own safety. A story I took for ignorant bullshit at the time, but when it came down to it, I was willing to do the same thing. I was going to leave everything to keep Jacob safe, to keep them all safe. I bit my lip. I had this knotting feeling in my stomach, a twisting sense of knowing that things were only going to get worse. How could they possibly get worse than this? I was being torn between love and war.

Edward sighed heavily, sending a new wave of his scent in my direction. "Jacob cares about you, Leah, whether you want to let yourself believe it or not. He's not going to stop until you're safe. He'll fight for you until the end if it comes down to it." I turned on my heel, facing the window and sucking in another deep breath as my heart sank.

That's what I was afraid of.

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_JacobPOV_

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My ear was practically ringing from Sue yelling into the phone, my free hand rubbing my neck tensely. "Sure, sure..." I said offhandedly, not really listening to her concerns anymore as I tried to focus on some sort of a plan to protect the pack, including Leah. I was leaning against a doorway in the Cullen home, my eyes caught Renesmee going back up the staircase with a large amount of food. I hadn't seen Edward come down yet. Sue screamed something else, but I told her not to worry and quickly hung up. "Hey Ness," I walked briskly to the bottom step, her petite figure turning expectantly, "Do me a favor and make sure Leah eats something, okay?" She nodded with a small smile, turning back to the stairs in route to the guest bedroom. I brushed my hand back through my dark, shaggy locks, still worried about what I was going to do to keep her safe. This girl was going to be the death of me.

I was running out of time. Jasper was having a difficult time keeping Leah under control and his grasp was slipping. She wouldn't have even gotten the sleep she did if it weren't for him keeping her body in a calm state. Carlisle said her injuries were minor, except for the double break in her arm which was going to take more than a day to heal. I still had every intention of asking her how she got that, especially since it would be good reason to kill that Troy kid.

I sighed, anxious to see how Leah was doing, but my presence would only make it harder for Jasper to keep her calm. I turned around and headed outside to check in with Seth. I had to admit, Seth was doing a great job keeping the two packs under control. He was relaying information to Sam and his pack, while helping me keep the guys under control. It was proving to be more and more difficult, since even the guys with imprints seemed to be attracted to Leah's scent. My pack was staying close to the Cullen's place, while Sam kept everyone under him near the reservation. I was sure that Troy and his gang weren't going to do anything stupid, afterall, they were just as much protectors as we were, but it seemed like this whole situation was catering more to our animalistic instincts. We knew all too well that uncontrolled hormones and rage were dangerous for us as wolves.

Seth was waiting on the porch in his cut-offs, his expression tired and weathered. The situation was taking its toll on the poor kid. He and his sister were close, the thoughts of the other guys combined with her condition and the fighting was getting to him. He was just as worried as I was, with no idea how to protect her. I had tried to convince him to go up and see her earlier, but he refused. After seeing her come in so bruised up, he said he couldn't stand to see her until this was over. I really couldn't blame him. It was hard enough for me to see her so fragile when everyone knew how strong Leah came off, but her brother had always known her better than anyone else. I think it hurt him to see her so vulnerable, especially when we were all helpless to do anything about it.

"Is she awake yet?" His voice sounded gruff and low, unlike his usual optimistic self. I nodded, stuffing my hands into my pockets. "So how is she?" His brow knitted together slightly.

"She's fine for the moment, but I don't know how much longer the Cullen's are going to be able to keep her here. Basic instinct is just too hard to fight off, ya kno?" I let out a sigh, watching Seth's expression darken slightly. "How is everything looking out here? Any word on the outsiders?" My eyes wandered to the edges of the forest, spotting Quil as he paced the border of the trees.

"Everyone's spread pretty thin around the forest, but no one has reported seeing them yet. Sam sent Paul out here about an hour ago to check in, apparently there's no sign of them near the rez, either." I nodded stiffly, leaning forward on the railing of the porch. Seth paused for a moment, then continued hesitantly with the questions that I knew would eventually surface. "What are we going to do, Jake? There's talk...well, Sam's heard that some council members from the Makah rez are coming down to meet with our elders, ya know- to try and work something out."

"Yeah, I know. Sue said something about a council meeting while she was yelling at me on the phone. Maybe they will be able to sort through this mess without turning it into a war." I trailed off quietly, the rain starting to pick up again. Seth nodded beside me, deep in thought about something. I turned toward him with what I could muster of a smile, patting his shoulder in reassurance. "Don't worry, Seth- I'll take good care of her. We're not letting her go anywhere." He looked back at me with a brighter expression.

"Thanks Jake. It means alot- to me and Leah."

I shrugged. "I'm your Alpha, kid. Protecting you guys is what I do." I turned around and headed back into the house as Seth took off toward the forest, probably to switch out with one of the guys. I looked toward the staircase, toying with the idea of checking on Leah. I still hadn't seen Edward or Renesmee come back down yet, but that wasn't what worried me. I felt this pull, this urge to be by her side every moment. To keep her in my sight so I could protect her, watch over her. Damn I was getting cheesy.

_CRASH._

I was up the stairs in seconds when I heard it. A commotion from the guest bedroom that could have woke the dead. Renesmee was yelling, Leah was screaming, and shit was breaking. I half expected to walk into a huge battle when I opened the door, but what I found was more disturbing. Leah was near passed out against one of the glass walls, a table turned over beside her. Edward was by the door, cursing under his breath as Renesmee tried to tend to him, her little form in hysterics. I stepped closer to Leah, my mind questioning Edward frantically as I noticed blood leaking from Leah's nose.

Leah screamed again, curling up into herself as she held her head. Edward stumbled to his feet with his daughters help, gritting his teeth as he spoke hoarsely. "She- something's wrong- there are visions...flashing through her head- Damn it- she can't handle this..." He stood in the doorway, staring at me. My face must have looked as pained as his when I turned back to face her. Whatever it was must have stopped because now she was struggling to get to her feet, her eyes glued to me with some sort of horrified gaze. He hand was clamped over her mouth as if to lock in her screams. Blood was still dripping from her nose, and her eyes were breaking my heart. She looked as though someone had just died- so broken and scared. She backed away from me, tears pouring down her eyes as if the world had just ended.

"Stop her, Jacob- she's-" Edward tried to warn me, but Leah was too fast. Once she was on her feet, only half-steady, she turned toward the glass wall farthest from us and ran, straight through the window and tumbling down, just barely phasing before she hit the ground two stories below in an ungraceful fall. I knew, from the way she fell, at least several ribs were broken, and she probably messed her unhealed arm up again.

I watched her go, through the broken glass and rain. There was a pain in my chest similiar to when Bella jumped off that cliff. I turned toward Edward, who was composing himself quickly with the help of his daughter. "Shit- what the hell happened?!" Edward took a deep breath, obviously trying to sort out the confusion. Renesmee touched my hand smoothly, relaying images of Leah picking at her food before she collapsed, gasping for air and wreathing in pain as if she were being assaulted, Edward also fighting against some unknown pain, but fairing better against it than Leah's small form.

"It was nothing like Alice's visions...these were painful and explosive- I couldn't even sort them out." Edward seemed to contemplate this for a moment as I tried to figure out my next move. "I'm inclined to wonder if this is how Alice's visions began when she was human, but I have the notion to think this is more related to her being a wolf." I sighed, unable to care about any of this while Leah was out of my sight. I didn't care about anything right now except getting her back. The anxiousness of not knowing whether she was safe was creeping back into my system with a sense of dread.

It was only moments before I was out on the porch, explaining the situation to Seth. Jasper had offered his unnecessary apologies as I had come down the stairs, saying he was absolutely overwhelmed by the storm of emotions that had swallowed Leah all at once. I told Seth to keep everyone inside, starting into the forest as the rain began to fall faster. I was waiting on Collin, Quil, and Embry who were the closest to the house when my phone began to vibrate and ring in my pocket.

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_LeahPOV_

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Obviously, I was being punished. There was no other explaination. The pounding in my head was dulling in comparison to the ripping in my chest. I was falling to pieces. It was like dreaming- experiencing a forced nightmare while you were still awake. Images played in my mind, painful and horrific, over and over. The stabbing in my head when they were tearing into my mind was nothing compared to the torture they inflicted on my soul. Jacob was going to die. I watched as it replayed against my will every few seconds, Troy and Jake fighting gruesomely near the cliffs, both of them falling over the edge. Jake's lifeless body laying on the rocks below, blood staining everything and tinting the edges of the water red as it lapped in and out.

I swallowed hard. He was not going to die for me. I would be damned before I would let fate take the man I loved. Everything rushed by, my entire body in agony and slower than it should be. But that didn't matter. Nothing mattered except getting away. If I took them away, led Troy somewhere far away, Jacob couldn't die. If it was a nightmare, a vision, or just a fear that tormented me, I didn't care- I wasn't going to take a chance. My life was worthless next to his.

Jacob would come after me. I had to tell him, make him believe I was leaving for good. If I could tell him goodbye, tell him to stay behind, maybe I could save him. I prayed that my cellphone was still where I dropped it.

Somehow, fate had let that slip through. If it had been paying close attention, it surely would have made sure that my silver little phone fell over the cliff's edge back when I dropped it from my mouth, but here it lay as I morphed back into a grief-stricken girl. My body was broken, but my mind was far worse off as I picked up the cell and turned it back on. The 'low battery' tone beeped once as it came on, then I scrolled down to Jake's number. There was no hesitation as I pressed 'Send', hoping against hope that his cell was still on him. Memories trickled into my head like the rain that was soaking my body and sticking strands of hair to my face. 'Me, Leah. You'll call me.' It seemed like the world had ended since he said those words- if I thought things were bad then, this was the apocalypse for me.

Another half-ring, then his voice cracked the last of the composure I was holding on to as he spoke over the phone. "Leah- is that you? Leah, hon- where are you?" The desperation and concern were beautiful tones to his deep vocals. Could I live without this voice? A pang set off in my chest, making my body ache. The answer was no, I couldn't fully live, but I could survive. That was why I had to leave. As long as my sun existed somewhere on earth, I could survive- even if I had to stay in darkness. However, if the sun were destroyed, I would be destroyed with it. Frozen like the earth if it were to be taken from its sun. I had to know that the sun existed somewhere, even if I couldn't see it. I could survive as long as Jacob was alive. I would die if he died. "Leah- please- tell me where you are... I'll come get you." I had to protect my sun.

"No, Jacob. You have to stay there." The frustration and pain seeped into my voice, breaking against the pressure. "You have to stay away- please. I can't lose you, Jacob- please, just stay there..." I was pleading with him, begging for his life. For both our lives.

"Leah- calm down, its going to be fine, hon- just slow down. Tell me where you are- we'll come get-"

"NO- no- you don't understand, Jake- I can't let you die! I can't- I won't survive- please, Jacob, just stay there, for me- please. Just this once- do this for me, okay? You have to do this Jacob- Damn it Jacob, you can't die- so you have to do this for me or I won't be able to forgive you-" I was gasping for air as he tried to calm me down, but he still didn't understand- he was stubborn and protective and wonderful- and I couldn't let him go! I love him- I can't let him die!

"Lee- tell me what's going on. Just take a deep breath- tell me what you want me to do, okay? Tell me why you can't forgive me..." Was this really the last time I was going to speak to him? I choked on another sob- I was falling apart.

"For making me love you, Jake- I love you, but I can't let you die. I have to go- and- and you have to stay at the Cullen's. So please, Jake, just stay there, okay?" I wasn't even sure how much he could understand over the static of my cell and the sobs constricting my throat. I was frantic! If I knew my ancestors would listen, I would have prayed my hardest to make them save my sun. He said something else, but I couldn't hear it over the thunder that rolled in at that moment. Then I heard his voice again, saying words that I must have misunderstood.

"Leah- honey, please- I love you, too- just listen, I just want you to come back, we can fight this- I love you, Lee..." The man I love was telling me he loved me, too. Another burst of thunder and lightening lit up the sky, and with one beep, the battery kicked out and my phone died. Of course, now my luck was catching up with me. I was out of breath as I threw the phone aside, a new set of tears streaking down my face. Damn idiot- he made everything so complicated! If I hadn't fallen for that stupid smirk and every damn promise he had given to me- damn. I couldn't even make myself regret it. I loved him too much for my own good. Why couldn't fate just take my life? Why did it make me suffer? When was this going to end?

My vision was blurring. The constant aching of my body was reminding me that I needed to move into the forest. I had to face my fate as a martyr before I lost more than I could handle. I took two steps, but it felt like two-hundred. Everything was heavy and sluggish. Each movement hurt a little more than the last one. How could they even want me? I was so damaged- both inside and out. I coughed violently at that moment, red staining the already dirty hand that covered my mouth. The metallic taste in my mouth was nothing new. I swallowed the coppery feeling in my throat, taking another step, but all fuction stopped there.

My eyes drifted to a dark edge of the forest where a snow white blur stood out, staring at me. I wasn't sure whether to curse my luck or be thankful that I didn't have to drag this out any longer. It would all be over soon. I was so numb, that annoying urge to run was just an afterthought. It hurt more than it usually did to let the wolf take over, but my vision seemed much better when I was standing on three legs. I heard something that resembled a growl, but it sounded more like he was laughing. _Damn asshole._

It would all be over soon, but if you were me, Leah Clearwater- when you say it will all be over soon, this dreadful feeling takes over, as if you're more right than you want to be.

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Sorry about the delay guys- life caught up with me these last couple weeks. But, this chapter was a little longer than the last few, so I hope that makes up for it. I really hope you enjoyed it- let me know if you did! I'm really inspired by your great reviews- thank you all for reading this story. I'm really excited by the great feedback I get for it. Thanks guys!

The next chapter...well- its dark. Its gonna be hard to write....ugh. But I don't wanna give anything away...


	6. But My Hands Remember His

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**Chapter 6 "And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life."**

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So now you're running  
It's hard to see clearly  
When I make you angry  
You're stuck in the past

And now you're screaming  
So can you forgive me?  
I've treated you badly  
But I am still here

Sometimes I wonder  
Why I'm still waiting  
Sometimes I'm shaking  
That's how you make me  
Sometimes I question  
Why I'm still here  
Sometimes I think I am going crazy

Can you help me understand?  
And now you wish that you meant something  
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else  
And now you wish that you met someone  
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else...

You know I would wait forever  
Yes, I would wait...  
-"Something" Escape the Fate

_'Dream a better dream.' _That's what my father use to say when I would wake up with nightmares as a little girl. He would kiss my forehead gently and tell me there was nothing nightmares could do to hurt me. _'Nothing to be afraid of...'_ He would smile in the darkness of my room and assure me they weren't real. _'All you have to do to get rid of a nightmare is dream a better dream.'_ And then, when Sam left me and I was heartbroken, my father wiped my tears and told me to _'dream a better dream.'_ It was his way of telling me things would work out, just like when he woud tell me that there was a plan for everything, even if I couldn't see it. Unfortunately, his philosophy wasn't much use in my current situation. I couldn't dream a better dream if I never woke up from the nightmare.

I wasn't sure if I was numb or in shock. The weight of everything seemed to be crushing me, but I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. Something tugged at my insides, telling me that something was wrong. Something was about to happen that would be the beginning of my end. The dominos were falling and there was nothing to be done but watch the destructive chain of events that was unfolding. I raised my hues to the white wolf who was approaching me, dark red standing out against his fur like roses on snow, and his expression too smug for the setting. My fur was heavy and darker than its normal silver-grey, dirty from the bloody cuts that covered my body after jumping through that damn glass. He was quick as he grabbed my wounded shoulder in his mouth and threw me back towards the forest. A short yelp escaped my lungs as the air was knocked out with a hard landing that sent me rolling. I didn't even bother to try and stand when I came to a skidding stop several yards away from the wolves.

I could feel a cut above my eye begin to drip fresh blood, but my previously injured arm was catching more attention- probably mangled again by the way it was throbbing. My panting was quieter when I finally regained my breath. By this time, he stood over me again. I could see a few of his packmates pacing in the background, looking anxious if they were paying attention at all. I should have felt angry, furious and resentful, but I didn't. I should have hated them all. I was Leah Clearwater. I should have been ripping their throats out. Spitting in their faces. I was Leah Clearwater, right? A white paw was now adding weight to my already heavy chest, pressing down with enough force to make me cough and gasp. I wasn't going to fight back. What's the use? Fighting back never got me what I wanted. So maybe if I just lay down and die, it'll be a little more peaceful. Okay, so I didn't really believe that, but I just didn't have anything left to give. I was Leah Clearwater, and I was ready to let go. It was breaking me down until all I had left was death. So I pictured Jacob. I could hear his perfect baritone voice telling me how much he loved me, which still seemed impossible. I remembered his words on the phone, trying to relive the memory- the feeling of hearing him admit that he cared for me.

It really was too good to be true. Fate was just playing another cruel joke on me. It wasn't possible that Jacob had said anything even remotely close to- well... love. I had imagined it- I was sure. Jacob had an imprint- you can't stray away from that, especially for someone like me. I just heard what I wanted- my mind playing tricks on me. Like those nights long ago when I had dreams of my old life with Sam, or more recently when I had dreams of Jacob, often waking up to think that they were real- those torturous moments just before I realized it was only a dream. So here I was, where I belong- not by Jacob's side, or in his arms, or even with my pack. Lying facedown with a strange pack, being controlled by an ignorant guy- most importantly, I was alone. Alone, the way I was always alone- surrounded by people who don't care about me, who hate me, who just don't give a damn if I die.

My face was pressed deeper into the wet earth. There was a loud bark above me, as if he was commanding me to do something, but I focused on the loud roar of the ocean in the backdrop. I could hear the call of the waves, pounding against the shores rhythmically with a fierce intensity. I use to have such strong intensity. I was fierce. I was wild and free, like the ocean. My mind wandered back to the once upon a time, when I was briefly content with Jacob. There was a single day that stood out, just before Renesmee was born- we were guarding the perimeters as usual, but I was so happy- or at least as close as I've been in a long time. Jacob and I finished the night shift just as Seth woke up, so he ran perimeters while we crashed in a nearby clearing. It was one of those rare days when the sun poked out from behind the haze, creating a beautiful sunrise and burning the clouds away for awhile, allowing us to sunbathe. The sun didn't feel half as good on my copper skin as Jacob's warmth underneath me. He let me lay across him as we talked between our naps, skipping across topics from Sam and Bella, to our disgust for imprinting, to what might happen when everything was over.

Maybe that was the day I let myself fall for him. We had playful arguments that resulted in small wrestling matches, then we would nap on top of one another for awhile, waking up in the warm sunlight together. It was as if we were the only people in the whole damn world. I asked him about being wild- I longed to be able to leave like he did. Forget everything and just run wherever I pleased. He told me he would let me go if I wanted...I had considered it then, but just like now, I refused to leave him. That was one of the last days I remember being carefree and content. Almost happy. I was so close to happiness... it ached.

But that was once upon a time, and this was the bitter ending. Not happily ever after, because I was never entitled to one of those. While everyone else got fairytales, I was stuck with tragedies. Even Bella and Edward had their Cinderella story, but I was going to get Romeo and Juliet. Sure, its romantic- at least until Romeo dies and you realize all you have left to look forward to is a rusty dagger in the heart. I always did prefer the happy ending of Sleeping Beauty to the tragic fate of Tristan and Isolde.

Another splatter of blood diluted in the puddles around me, coughed up in a violent attempt to breath as my lungs were crushed under the pressure of his weight. I had conceded to him, given up and become submissive. He didn't seemed satisfied by my vulnerability as I rolled onto my back, exposing my stomach as is customary in submission. I felt his teeth once again sink deep into my shoulder, pulling me up slightly and dropping me back to the ground, as if he were toying with me. Such an asshole. Then I felt the burn in my shoulder take over, my head coming to life with murmers and whispers, then loud voices that I didn't recognize. I cringed, waiting for the inevitable with as deep a breath as I could take.

'Get up.' His voice was just as commanding and irritating as I remembered.

'Troy, she can't possibly make the journey up to Makah now- look at her, she's half-dead. She'll take days to heal...' Madoc's voice I assumed, soft and kind, in a way his thoughts reminded me of Seth. The memory was painful.

'You shouldn't bother thinking about them anymore, Leah. We're your pack now.' The thought was disgusting and as I raised to my feet in obedience, my eyes glared at him coldly. He stared back with that smug look, begging to be ripped apart. 'Careful, baby- I can read those pretty little thoughts now...'

'Good...I'd hate for you to be suprised by your own death.' A few growls sounded behind me, but Troy looked amused. Damn bastard. He approached slowly, taunting me. His fur brushed mine, and as hard as I thought about biting him, I was helpless against an Alpha. I could hear every nasty little thought in his head, every sickening thing in all their heads. Some were trying to fight against it, but apparently, my heat was making it difficult to resist me. I had to hold back the urge to gag- the way Troy was looking at me, the way I saw myself through his eyes- I was sure I was going to be sick. It also became clear that there was an overwhelming sense of authority under him- I was sure that I had never felt like this, even in Sam's pack. The thirst for power rolled off Troy in waves. I felt his hunger for me as well, the hormones driving me crazy. Damn Alpha...

'I'm YOUR Alpha now. And you are MY mate.' I growled at his possessiveness, trying to push past the burning in my lungs and the metallic taste in my mouth.

'I will never belong to you...and you are not my Alpha. You're just a son of a bitch.' He didn't seem quite as amused as he threw my body into a nearby tree, cracking the trunk. My breath was shallow as I smirked, limping back to my feet. Thoughts from the other wolves flooded my mind, resentment for my defiant attitude and lingering lust, some were even sympathetic toward me.

'Just wait until we return to Makah. I'll show you what it means to be mine.' Thoughts of my body and vile acts filled my mind, gagging me and arousing the other wolves all at the same time. 'Lets go.' All the wolves began to follow him without question. The moment I tried to move I collapsed, thanking God for his pity on me. The pain in my body echoed in their minds, but the ache in my heart was disconnected, covered up by my anger in an attempt to shield myself. Everything was wrong- it all felt wrong. The voices in my head were not my friends and family- these wolves were not my brothers. It was intrusive and unfamiliar. Yet, as I struggled to catch my short breath, anxiety began to set in. My heartbeat quickened, rhythmically pounding in my ear. It was then that I realized it wasn't my heartbeat in my ear... something large was running towards us.

_Deja vu._ That was the word- it was this overwhelming sense of knowing- like I had been here before...in this exact moment. It was worse than that. I had lived through this before. This nightmare plagued my mind in the past and now it had caught up to reality. Everything was about to collide. It all faded into slow-motion as I pulled myself up, my downward spiral nearing its end with each moment. A barking noise escaped me as soon as the rusty-brown Alpha came into view, his angry teeth flashing as he dove into a tumble with the white blur. I lost all sense. I didn't even acknowledge the fact that other members of both packs were appearing to keep the other wolves from assisting their leader. It was just the three of us. Jacob, Troy, and me. They were all I could see. My decent into madness just became a freefall, gaining speed with each passing moment.

I was absorbed in their fight- my wounds, my weakness, my pain all forgotten for his sake. Troy grabbed Jacob in his teeth, wrestling with him until they were both freed and stood just feet away from each other. Troy seemed arrogant, as usual, while I watched Jacob flash a look at me. His eyes- those deep honey-brown wolf eyes were so tortured in the moment they locked with me. Troy spared me a glance as well, his thoughts angered by my feelings for Jacob. A growl, more fierce than before, erupted from Jacob. I heard his growls echoed by the other wolves in the background- all the packs unsure of what to do.

Time began to catch up once again, moving faster than it should. My mind raced by me as well, unable to hold onto a thought as I tried to figure out something- anything to save my Jacob. I took a small step forward, but was immediately aware that three wolves were hovering right beside me. Madoc's thoughts flashed of sympathy and regret, while the others exuded warning to stay where I was. Of course, being Leah Clearwater, I don't care. I tried to move in Jacob's direction, but was immediately forced back by Troy's short bark, his thoughts commanding me to stay where I was. Damn it. Damn. Damn. Damn. I never hated that Alpha tone more than right now.

'You can't do this, Troy. Its insane- lets just go- please, I'll go with you- lets just go...' My pleading did little to sway him, but he seemed amused by my attempts. A few more barks sounded from the other wolves, the tension thickening in the air as the two Alphas stared into one another. Troy's back was to the cliffs, everything layed out just as I had seen it... 'You can have me- please, Troy- anything you want, just stop! Leave him alone!' My thoughts were as loud as I could get them, as desperate as I could sound. I was getting frantic. The last domino was approaching- everything was about to end.

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JacobPOV

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I couldn't control myself. She blamed me for hurting her- for breaking her heart when I didn't even realize she loved me. I was an idiot! I was torn apart the moment I heard the phone go dead. I didn't hesitate to take off, hoping I could catch her near the cliffs- the last place I remember her having that damn phone with her. I told her she could call me- I would save her, and thats exactly what I intended to do. With all the static, I could barely make out what she had said, but the terror in her voice scared the hell out of me. Then again, I was absolutely floating from the words I clearly heard- she loved me. Well- technically she said she hated me for making her fall in love again, but she admitted loving me. I raced into the woods- no plan, no strategy- nothing but Leah's voice in my head, pushing my legs faster.

About halfway- I started to smell it. The repulsive stench of Troy, obviously already tracking Leah- probably already caught up with her, since his trail was only about as fresh as her's. Damn it. I had to move faster. I had to save her. It wasn't long before I smelled her blood, fresh blood. I was immediately blinded by rage- intent on destroying that bastard.

As soon as I burst into the clearing, I ignored all his subordinates, tackling the fucking bastard first. I got a few good wounds on him before his teeth sank into my back, struggling to pin me as I fought back violently, our battle only subsiding when we rolled away from one another. We faced off, staring each other down. I took into account the thoughts of my brothers, their eyes either on me and my opponent, or Leah. 'Oh God- Leah...' My mind was erased for a split second as I moved my own eyes to take in her form. Three wolves loomed over her, making her seem even smaller and more fragile than she looked. Her wounds were everywhere again- barely standing on three legs as she watched me with an expression I hardly recognized on her- she looked- defeated. It hit me hard in that moment- the conclusion that she had been taken away from me. He had taken her- wounded her- destroyed her. A growl roared from my chest as I stared back at his smug smile, his thoughts becoming clear.

'Its pathetic- She's begging me to take her away...you should hear her crying- pleading with me to leave you alone...to not kill you.' His voice was laughing, as if stating that he was already victorious. I was growing angrier if it was even possible, the thoughts of Leah belonging to his pack- leaving with him...him hurting her...

'You fucking bastard- you're going to pay- if I have to kill you to get her back, thats what I'll do.' It was final. I knew he had to die, this miserable excuse for a protector. A pathetic excuse for a leader. Arrogant son of a bitch. Whether it was hormones, love, or just plain territorial bullshit- I was going to get rid of him. No question about it.

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LeahPOV

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I was short of breath. Anxious. My eyes darted between the two figures, tension building, feeling like a weight directly on my heart, crushing my chest more than Troy had. Thoughts, hormones, emotions- all running out of my control. Then there was the anger. The old flame of hatred burning deep within me again, as if it were ignited- perhaps by the ending of my heat? I groaned- I wasn't even sure how long it had been since we started running around out here. Not to mention, I had been accepted into Troy's pack- did that mean I belonged to him? Was I bound to him? Was it over? It felt like a century since I had any sort of break- since I had really been me. I felt like I had been a stranger to myself during this whole fucking ordeal. But damn, I was pissed. I could feel it better than ever now, as I started to think back over Troy's thoughts and behavior. All of that aside, I was pissed about not being able to do anything. I was being so damn useless right now! Was I really going to be held back while Jacob was thrown off a damn cliff? Answer: Hell No.

Whether it was an effect of my estrus, or my plain old natural bitchiness, I growled- snapping at the wolves who were standing beside me. They were suprised, to say the least- I mean, really, I must look like I have one foot in the grave, but I was not going to go down without taking someone with me. They could read my thoughts, but I was doing my best to keep theirs out. I growled deeper, ready to tear into anything that crossed me. Maybe this was one of those instinct things- you had to run to catch me, then fight to keep me? That made sense. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I couldn't help but hope there was some way out of this- a way to fight my way out of this pack I was forced into. Damn, they were in for a hell of a fight. My growling grew louder, my shoulders hunching readily as I dipped my head down, staring daggers into Troy.

The cuts across my muzzle and face were healing quickly, I could feel them stitching themselves back together. Madoc's thoughts were trying to be reasonable, reminding me once again of my baby brother, always optimistic and rational, mature beyond his years in some ways. I let my eyes pass over the wolves around me- the unsteady guards, the members of the packs I use to belong to, the strangers who's thoughts I could read now, but could care less about... then there was Jacob. The big jerk who had been stupid enough to hang around with me when no one else would. The goofy idiot who tolerated me even when I was impossible. The dumbass that I couldn't help falling for. The boy that was risking his life for me. To save ME. So that was why I jumped on top of the wolf closest to me, doing my best to rip his throat out...

The other two lackies jumped on me, of course- but I didn't let go of the jackass under me. We rolled around, all four of us in a tumble of teeth and fur, growling and biting. They were confused about what to do, not sure whether they should be fighting their Alpha's mate. HA. Their thoughts were practically begging me to give it up, but I wasn't going to stop until someone killed me or I got what I wanted. And I wanted a way out. I wanted to go back in time and figure out how to fix this. Stop myself from ever stepping foot in that party- or at least keep myself from leaving my house while I was in heat. I wanted to wake up and realize it was all just a nightmare. What I really wanted...well, what I really wanted was a happy ending- for me... I just wanted MY happy ending. I was tired of waiting- tired of watching everyone else's fairytale. Tired of being the tragedy. It was with that thought that I felt the teeth sink into my neck, holding me down against the earth again. I was laying under them, the three wolves above me, Madoc's teeth in my neck. His thoughts were slightly apologetic, alot of this 'for your own good' crap was swirling around in there, but all I could see, all I could hear were the sounds coming from my brothers. Everyone was fighting- barking, growling, and yelping were erupting in the forest. Of course, both sides knew that Makah, even if they had their entire pack, which they didn't, was greatly outnumbered. It took only moments before everyone backed off their fighting except the Alphas. They were attacking each other fiercely, with more rage than I had ever seen.

My eyes stayed with Jacob. I was trying to weigh his chances of winning. Everything was stopping- that deja vu crap was coming back. I forgot about breathing- forgot about everything except Jacob. This wasn't the end. This couldn't be the end. STOP IT. **STOP FIGHTING.** Please God- I can't watch this- I can't...

It was too late. Jacob tore into Troy's shoulder, both of them tumbling blindly, biting and wrestling for control until...

No. NO NO **NO**...

If wolves could scream, I was sure thats what I had done. Troy rolled off the cliff, pulling Jacob with him- just like I had seen it. I didn't even notice the quiet as everyone's thoughts halted- all eyes on the edge of land where our Alphas had disappeared. I just ran, without thinking about what I was going to see- I just had to be sure. Everyone was in shock. I still hadn't regained proper use of my lungs. My eyes, however, worked all too well. I gazed at the horrible beach below- stained red with blood from the body of my broken Jacob, water reaching for his body with each wave as the sea beckoned to take him away from me. Then, almost as an after thought- I saw the mangled remains of Troy, impaled on a large trunk of deadwood- or at least what was left of him. That was when I really noticed the silence. That overwhelming, 'you are alone in the world' silence. And as I looked over Jacob's russet form- now ruby from his attempts to save me, I turned and ran. Everything was gone.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. How could I have fucked this up? Where did I go wrong?! It had to be my fault- things like this were always happening to me, but JACOB?! He didn't deserve this- he didn't deserve to be caught up in my horrible mess. He didn't deserve to die because of me. Somehow I had sucked him into my void of bad karma, I had caused this disaster. I had killed him. Run. Keep running. That was all I wanted- to run until death claimed me, too. Everything had ended- hit the bottom with a crash so devastating that I hadn't even begun to process it yet. The downward spiral had come to a stop. Various scenerios were playing in my head, all finishing with my demise. Yes, I was free. I had escaped the cage that was Troy, but it didn't matter now. What was the point in being free when the man I allowed myself to love was dead?

_Romeo was dead. Tristan was destroyed._ The tragedy was ending. All that was left now was for Juliet and Isolde to follow their soulmates into eternity. As would I. My only delay was finding a way to die. The only option I was sure would work effectively was a vampire. One bite and I was free of this world. I just had to stop the pain before it had a chance to get any worse. I knew it was going to get worse. As soon as the realization hit me- the reality that Jacob was gone- the pain would be unbearable. Damn- where was a bloodthirsty vampire when you needed one? The Volturi- well, they were much too far away. I just had to find one- just one- then I could let go. If there was any peace in death, I would forget this entire lifetime altogether. I took the smallest amount of comfort in the thought.

I stopped when I realized it was dark, slumping to the ground and laying motionless in whatever forest I was in. My body phased without command, tears rushing from my eyes instantly. So this was what it was like. This was what it felt like to be hollow. Not angry, not bitter...just hollow. This blackhole ate its way from the middle of your chest, swallowing everything you felt- nothing could fill it. It was just emptiness. A painful void that seemed to grow. I sobbed harder, my body shaking. It was over. The sun was gone and it wasn't coming back again.

The pain crept up slowly, consuming me in the darkness. I just wanted to feel him. Hear his laugh. He was the only thing that would save me now. My fists clenched tightly. He didn't have to love me- he didn't even have to like me. I just wanted him alive- even if it meant he ignored me for the rest of my miserable days, or spent his life with his imprint- I just wanted him alive. I wanted to see him happy. I wanted him to be as happy as he deserved to be. Not this. Never this. "I'm so sorry, Jacob. God- please forgive me...please forgive me Jacob...I'm sorry..." My voice was cracking from emotion and lack of use. I just repeated the words to the darkness, hoping the prayer would reach someone who mattered- someone who could tell Jacob that I never meant for this to happen.

I closed my eyes, tears still falling as I could feel the rain trickling through the forest canopy. I had to dream a better dream. I had to leave this nightmare behind and escape into something better. A dream where Jacob and I were together- even if it were just for awhile. Even if I still wanted to die when I woke up, I would walk that road when I awoke. I just wanted to see his face. Hear his voice. Feel his warmth. Dream a better dream. And any dream would be better than this.

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So- here ya go. Sorry about the wait. Things happen- like my computer crashed about halfway through writing this chapter, so I lost it and had to start over. I guess it was all for the best tho, I like the way it came out the second time much better than my first attempt. Enjoy. R&R.

**PS-** Jake is NOT dead. He'll show up in the next chapter. No worries.


	7. Love Save the Empty

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**Chapter 7 "Because we're all okay, until the day we're not."**

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_Do you know where your heart is?  
Do you think you can find it?  
Or did you trade it for something  
Somewhere better just to have it?  
Do you know where your love is?  
Do you think that you lost it?  
You felt it so strong, but  
Nothing's turned out how you wanted _

_Well, bless my soul  
You're a lonely soul  
Cause you won't let go  
Of anything you hold _

_Do you know what your fate is?  
And are you trying to shake it?  
You're doing your best and  
Your best look  
You're praying that you make it... _

_Well, bless my soul  
You're a lonely soul  
Cause you won't let go  
Of anything you hold _

_Do you think you can find it?  
Better than you had it... _

_Whenever the end is Do you think you can see it?  
Well, until you get there  
Go on, go ahead and scream it  
Just say it.  
-"Say (all I need)" OneRepublic _

There was a tap on my window, the kind you hear after a small rock has been thrown and hits the glass. Then another. Then a louder one, like the pebble was slightly larger. I smiled, trying to hurry before his impatience got the better of him. I opened the window, just as my cell began to vibrate and play his ringtone. "I'm coming, damn- don't have a cow." I spoke quietly, trying not to wake my mother. She didn't mind my late night patrols, but when she was woken up by my leaving, she usually couldn't fall back asleep because she was too worried.

"If you don't hurry up I'm going to leave you behind!" His voice was quiet and I scowled down at his smirk as he stood in the yard, looking up at me as I turned back inside and made my way down to the front door and out into the night air.

"Of course, oh mighty Alpha." I smirked as I closed the door behind me. We hung up as we saw each other, both taking off at a run into the forest, eager to begin our nightly patrol. I stripped fast, tying the clothing to my leg as I phased. He was in my head a moment later, starting up a conversation as we usually did when we patrolled together like this. The path was routine, as was the teasing. Yet, I felt different. I looked over at Jake's form and felt a slight tug at my heart. I shook it off.

'So, any good dreams, Lee?' As he thought it, Jake filled my mind with thoughts of his own dreams, something about killing a crazed vampire. I would have laughed, or made a sarcastic comment, but I was trying to search my mind for a memory. I felt like I was missing something, forgot something. His question had hit a chord and now I was suddenly very confused.

"Jake...did something happen yesterday? I feel like I should remember something..." Yet, as I asked him, my insides twisted and I felt as if I didn't want to know. I looked up to find he had already phased, waiting for me on the porch of the Cullen house. When did we get here? As I neared the house, it seemed to get farther away. Jacob was waiting expectantly, a warm smile on his features. I tried to run faster, but it just moved further from my reach. Then, Jacob turned to go inside, disappearing altogether. I tried to phase, to follow him in, but I couldn't. I heard a mournful howl from the forest and thats when I realized I was waking up. I wanted to scream for him to come back. I wanted to stay- to linger here for just another moment in his presence, but it was a useless wish.

I heard the howls again, desperate and crying as I opened my eyes. I wasn't sure whether I should be grateful for the simple dream or resent it for ending so soon. I decided either way, it was over. As my eyes came into focus, I realized my naked body was almost buried in snow. How far north did I go? I heard the distant calls once more, howling of members from all three packs as they seemed to search for me. Let them search. Leah Clearwater is already dead. All that lays here is her shell that needs to be discarded. A painfully hollow shell. The snow was still falling as I rose to my feet. The wolves' cries weren't getting any closer, so I paid them no attention. My only purpose now was to find a vampire- a means to an end.

I phased and took off in no particular direction, trying to run as fast as I could, but it was still too slow. Ignoring the pain in my body was easy since I couldn't feel anything past the stabbing in my heart. Every breath was a new ache- a new memory of his face that filled my mind. When did I fall so deep? When did I let him have me like this? That didn't matter. He was gone now and he took me with him. If I could just stop thinking altogether...maybe that would help. If I could forget this life- the misery I was forced to endure, maybe I would at least be granted that with death. Perhaps I could even hold on to one fleeting memory, one image of Jacob that I could recall and smile at after I was dead. If I remembered nothing else of this unfair existence, I would want to remember him.

I wasn't sure how long I had run, but I realized running around in a forest wasn't going to get me a vampire as quickly as I wanted one. North. I had run north...but if I recalled- Jasper had mentioned how unruly the south was for vampires. Practically crawling with unkempt newborns who wouldn't know the difference between my wolf scent and regular blood. I sighed, turning my path to the south. Perhaps if I was lucky, I would run across a bloodsucker before I had to cross the country. My heart wrenched, knowing that I was never lucky. So I just ran. I kept running. I just let myself fall victim to the wolf, trying to forget everything and let my instincts take over. Ironic that I was fighting my instincts with everything I had just days before...now I was letting them take over just so I didn't have to feel anything.

But the pain kept sinking in. My thoughts returned to Jacob and my heart broke even more, disintegrating another piece of me. There was nothing I could do. Run faster. Even though your dying, run faster. Even though the emptiness is consuming, run faster. Run while you still can. Because eventually, when the pain gets to that point where I can't go on- and it will get to that point- I won't have a chance, I'll just lay down and wait until death...whether its in minutes or years. Like Bella I suppose...only there won't be anyone to come along and take me home. No search party to pick me up from the darkness, no family to help me get through it. I'll just drown in the pain until it kills me. My legs pushed harder with the thought. I could feel the numbness, the shock ebbing away. I had to find a way out...I just wanted to end it quickly, without having to realize or accept the fact that he was gone.

I passed the outskirts of another small town, nothing registering. If I could keep myself convinced for just a little while longer...pretend he wasn't gone, then maybe I... but it wasn't working. No matter what I thought about, I could see him at the bottom of that cliff. I could smell him, that scent that lingered with me since I left the Cullen house. Damn you, Jacob Black- I trusted you...you asked me to trust you and I did! You said things would get better...you said- you said you would save me.

And the images caused me to cry out, a long and lonely noise that drifted through the falling snow, carrying through the silent forest. I could remember his hot breath on my skin, his lips touching my forehead as he asked me to hold on...for him. Told me that everything would be alright. He swore it was going to get better. It was getting harder to breathe. I remembered that look in his eyes as he asked me to stop crying. Thats when I phased, tears pouring down my face in the snow. I couldn't stop it now. The floodgates were opening and it was all falling apart. I tried to swallow against the lump in my throat, but it was no use. I was choking on my realizations, I couldn't breathe. The pain was overwhelming now. It wasn't the snow that made me shiver at that moment. I tried to grab at my chest, but I couldn't hold it together. I fell to my knees, drifting away.

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JacobPOV

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"How's he been doing?"

"He's recovering slowly...any sign of her?"

I could hear pieces of conversations, but I was waking up very slowly. What was going on?

"Jake- can you hear me?" It was Seth, I think. He sounded rough. Then again, I felt pretty rough.

"Is he still in pain? I mean, I don't want to wake him up if- ya know...we don't need him that badly- maybe he should just rest..." Definitely Seth. He always was the thoughtful one. Him and Leah must have gotten genes from opposite sides of the pool. _LEAH_. Oh damn- how long have I been out? I've got to wake up- I've got to talk to her. She better be okay- for that asshole's sake. She's going to rip me a new one for the way I've been acting lately.

"I think he's coming around- get Jared and the others..."

Damn. I don't remember it ever being so hard to wake up. Deep breath Jake- just open your eyes. Nothing. Ok, another deep breath. Just gather your thoughts...what was I thinking about? Leah- right- wake up, I've gotta wake up...

"He's coming around- he's having a hard time focusing though- with all the medications." Ah- Edward. Never before have I been happier to have him in my head.

"There- that should bring him out a little easier." Carlisle's voice sounded clearer now, closer somehow. With another breath I was awake. Each of their faces came into focus from a blur, I recognized most of them, except one. I swallowed to find my voice, raspy and dry from disuse.

"What the hell is he doing here?" I knew enough to know he was part of the jackass's pack. I remembered seeing him at that party, then again in the woods.

They all seemed relieved when I spoke and they obviously knew who I was talking about since something was said in a hush and the stranger left the room with a nod. It was Seth who finally answered my question. "I'm glad your awake- you had us worried for awhile. But thanks to you, we don't have to worry about the Makah pack anymore." He took a deep breath and smiled. "Madoc is now their new Alpha. You'll like him, Jake. He helped us save you. It seems that you saved their entire pack from having to mutiny against Troy. They are a little put-off by our choice in company," he gestured toward Edward and Carlisle, "but they respect our treaty."

I gave him a long stare. That was alot to take in at once and I wasn't sure my brain was up to speed yet. Edward laughed from the background and Seth smiled apologetically. "Sorry, dude- I know its alot, but you've been out for three days- what do you expect?" He shrugged slightly as I realized what he said.

"Three days?!"

Edward nodded. "Yes, and speaking of that- Renesmee is wondering if she can come in to see you. I've kept her out of here for the last few days to spare her the sight of you recovering, but she's about to rip something apart if we don't let her in soon." I smirked, thinking about Nessie ripping through her father to come see me. Nessie came bounding in two minutes later. I visited with her for a few moments before I looked up, thinking about Leah clearly as I stared at Edward. He stared back blankly.

"Where is she, Edward? I want to see her." As soon as her face had entered my mind, I had to see her. I needed to feel her presence in the room. She should have come by now. She should have walked in and smacked me for being such an idiot. Was she hurt? Was she recovering too? He still wasn't answering. Before I could ask again, Nessie's fingers were brushing against my face, showing me my own expression. She was confused. She wanted to know who I was talking about. "I want to see your aunt Lee, sweetie. Where is she?" Her confusion deepened as she turned back to her father and Seth, then looked back to me, as if she were hurt. Oh God- no- she wasn't- she couldn't be...

"Renesmee, honey, why don't we go get Jacob and the others something to eat? I'm sure they're starving." Carlisle herded the little girl from my lap and away from the room. This was bad. I stared at Edward, but he looked toward Seth, who was staring at the ground with a deep frown on his features.

"Damn it- will somebody say something?! What the hell happened to Leah?!" I leaned forward, giving a hard look to Seth. I could feel the soreness in my muscles from recovery, as well as the unpleasant sting of bones that were still finishing their mending.

"We don't know what happened to her, Jacob." His voice was somber as Seth spoke about his sister, making it sound final. My brow furrowed deeper. "She just- she took one look over the cliff after you guys fell- and she ran off. We've all tried tracking her, but no one's had any luck catching up to her- there is plenty of trail, but no Leah...she's just disappeared." He was shaking his head slightly. "Bella and the others are taking shifts, along with the Makah pack- everyone's looking for her, but we haven't found much. Madoc said she broke ties with their pack when Troy died- apparently she was connected with them briefly when Troy marked her, but his claim was void when he died before...well, 'claiming' her." New anger for the disgusting excuse of an Alpha rose up in me. He should be glad he's dead- he got off easy.

Edward raised a brow in my direction. Why the hell would Leah just run off like that? Where is she going? Edward cleared his throat, catching my attention. "Jacob- I don't think you understand. Leah thinks you're dead. I could hear her thoughts from here- she was practically screaming bloody murder in her head. Jasper still can't shake the feelings he got from her- and thats a long way to project herself. She's devastated, Jacob." I took a deep breath. I didn't want to do this to Leah. I didn't want to keep hurting her like this. I was taking everything away from her- again. I was angry at myself. My fists clenched, my thoughts trying to gather themselves quickly through what was left of the cottony haze of medication in my mind.

"Where have they tracked her trail to?" I had to find her. I had to hold her- tell her it was okay. Let her know that I loved her. Seth shrugged slightly- I noticed he looked even more exhausted than when I last saw him. He really needed a vacation after all this.

"So far, Embry has reported back that they've searched perimeters around her scent as it went north, but they lost her for awhile in the snow. When they caught up with it, she was long gone. Rosalie and Emmett have started following it south- last we heard they were well into Colorado, still following her scent southeast."

I sighed. "Damn girl- we're just gonna have to find her. Drag her back here where she's suppose to be." I pushed my legs off the bed, standing up as steadily as I could. "I need something to eat..." I growled out, knowing that I would feel alot better if I ate a huge meal, but I wouldn't feel right until I found her. I just needed to grab a bear or something on the run, whatever I could find while following Leah's trail. I walked from the room with everyone behind, trying to sort through all the new information, my hand combing back my shaggy locks. Next stop: Colorado.

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LeahPOV

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I can't remember the last time I ate. Or slept. But I guess if you include being unconscious, then I was passing out quite often along my route. The only way I could tell the difference between reality and dreams these days was Jacob- he was always in my dreams. Even the painful, head-splitting visions I had while running, he was there. I was just a state away from Texas now, but I was dying inside faster than I could out run the situation. It could have been my slowed speed, since my front leg was still slightly useless from setting wrong, but I doubted that was it. My vision blurred occasionally, but I paid it no attention. My thoughts remained on my task, because if they didn't- I focused on the stabbing ache in my heart. I thought about Jacob. I thought about his warmth, and his smile, and his copper skin, and his deep voice. I mourned over his infectious laugh, and his protective nature. I grieved for his safe arms, and kind eyes. If I let my mind wander- I would remember he was gone. I would fall apart.

Before I could try to distract myself, my head was ripped open by a fresh set of visions. The pain consumed me, but it was a physical agony- only a minor hurt compared to my emotional distress. I kept running, almost blindly as the visions invaded my sight. I tried not to concentrate on them, but they tore their way in- showing me images of a small group of what seemed to be vampires hidden in robes. I wondered absently if I was seeing my fate. I almost pleaded with my vision to show my body being ripped to pieces. The invading thoughts halted, leaving me to my overwhelming silence. I continued to follow my savior- a vampiric scent that I caught wind of- who knows how long ago. It wasn't very fresh, but it was all I had and I would hold to it until I found something better. How long had I been gone from home? Maybe everyone was already starting to forget me. It was strange to know that I was disappearing- this is what it felt like to disappear. It didn't feel like I thought it would. Had I really wanted this not so long ago? Was this what I wished for- to be a memory? Why had I ever wanted this? It was so empty. So quiet- without all the thoughts of my family in my head.

Where were my brothers? Had they pulled Jacob's body from the sea already? Truthfully, I didn't even know how long I had been running. I didn't know what day it was. They might be attending Jake's funeral at this moment. The boys would be standing around the casket quietly, holding their imprints as they cried. A mournful Bella and her family would stand by, cursing my name for taking him from their Nessie. For getting him involved in something that lead to this- I couldn't think it, I couldn't think of him as dead. But I saw his face, so peaceful and perfect, now sullen and hollow. His mocha skin, always so dark and warm, now more ashen and bitter cold. The light and sunshine stolen from his features. My teeth clenched. I felt my heart stutter. It would be raining there. It always rained, but it would feel as though it was more appropriate- like it couldn't do anything but rain on a day when we buried one of our own. It would have to rain on a day when the ground took my heart and swallowed it whole. For me, the rain would never stop. The sun was never coming back. I was a stupid girl- for ever believing that I could keep it in the first place. A bitter harpy like me never deserved it. The cold sea can never be warmed by the sun.

Maybe the funeral was over. Maybe he had been in the ground for several days already. People would still come by to place flowers on the new gravesite because it was just fresh enough in everyone's mind. When the dirt wasn't newly overturned and the mound was green with grass, the body that laid beneath the surface would be just another legend. For now, they would remember his life and leave reminders at his resting place out of respect. A large cluster of different bouqets, all looking out of place among the thick green surroundings with their brightly coordinated colors, shadowed by a headstone that read something like: _Jacob Black, "Loving Son and Devoted Brother- He will be missed. He died in place of a tragic mess of a girl who disappeared. We hope she's happy now." _

My insides were twisting again. It would all be over soon, thats the only comfort I had now. My body would have no grave- no place for anyone to visit and remember me. Not that anyone would want to remember the miserable harpy bitch. My body would turn to dust in an unfamiliar place, erasing my memory with its disappearance. That was just as well for me, but Jacob should have been raising babies for an eternity with his wife, his imprint. He shouldn't be laying under some carved stone with a short lifespan written across it. That was my fault. Why was I cursed with- everything?! I can't even kill the pain- I have to run across the country in search of a bloodsucker to even have a chance at peace! Just wait for me Jacob. I know I don't deserve to see you in death, and I know you never loved me, but at least if I could get to you- maybe I could apologize.

Everything was wishful thinking. Just the last remnants of hope that would keep me alive, but also destroy me in the end. I use to be Leah Clearwater- never the girl Jacob cared about, but she was somewhat content being his Beta. She wasn't thrilled with the idea of merging the two packs back together, but she was almost excited by the challenge of helping Jacob to keep control of everyone. She also left fresh flowers on her father's grave every few Sundays, because Leah Clearwater had believed that when someone you love dies, you should still love them. And I do still love them. I have to wonder if my father's and Jacob's graves will lay bare now, because I'm gone. Jake's grave- no. He's not dead. Stop it.

I had to stop thinking. I pushed my burning legs faster. My wounds ached, my heart stuttered again. It was struggling to keep beating, and my lungs were constricting again. Darkness began to take me, but it was a familiar feeling now as I drifted away. I mused that it might be the same way when I died.

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JacobPOV

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'She'll be fine, Jacob.'

I rolled my eyes. I knew she would be fine, but that was all anyone could keep thinking. Of course they were thinking that, because all I kept thinking about was what I would do if she wasn't fine. Seth, Madoc, and Jared were all running with me along a makeshift trail through the Colorado Rockies. Quil was leading us to where he and the others were tracking Leah, which wasn't too far- they were just nearing the Oklahoma state line. We were less than a day or two behind her, which wasn't much, but she was damn fast. I took a deep breath, my thoughts were racing so much, the guys were starting to complain.

'We have a serious problem, Jake.'

Quil's thoughts were solemn as I tried to sift through his mind. 'What's wrong?' Everyone was on edge.

'There are vampires- and I'm not talking the vegetarian, warm, and fuzzy kind. Emmett and Rosalie say that the South is notorious for savage newborns and territorial wars. For some reason, it looks like Leah is following the scent of a vampire she came across. We have to be careful, Jake- we don't want to get caught up in an ambush down here. For all we know, Leah is already-'

'Don't even think it, Quil! She is fine- hear me?! She is FINE. She has to be...'

I could feel him reset his thoughts automatically. 'I'm just saying that we have to be careful, Jake.'

I mentally shook it off, reassuring him that we would all be on close watch and in large groups. I had to admit, as much as I hated that Troy kid, his Beta was a decent guy. Madoc offered us his pack's apologies over the incidents, then offered to help us find Leah. His thoughts remind me alot of Seth and Embry- very mellow and easy-going, but I'm still a little cautious around him and his pack. For the moment, though- we're grateful to have the extra numbers. I was just as anxious as Quil was about going further south, after everything Jasper told us, but I wasn't going to stop. Not until I had her back.

'You don't think she's trying to- ya know...' Seth's thoughts had hovered around the subject ever since he heard she was following a vampire in the south, but everyone had avoided thinking the worst so far. All I could think about was that it was my fault. Embry's thoughts were trying to find something optimistic, but settled on vague.

'I can't say what she's thinking right now, man- I mean, what would you think if all this shit happened to you all at once? Now she thinks Jacob is dead- she probably blames herself- there's no way I can really say I know what she's going through or even what she's thinking...' Embry was trying to reassure Seth that it would be okay, while Quil was thinking how Leah's hormones were probably still on the rage and she wasn't herself. They both wanted to believe that we would make it to her, but their thoughts also conveyed that they had alot of doubts. They knew she was trying to kill herself by chasing down this vampire. They knew that my death was the last straw- the final push that sent Leah over the edge. They didn't believe we would make it in time- or even find her. They weren't as good at covering their thoughts as they thought they were, but I knew I couldn't blame them for thinking the same things that the rest of the pack was thinking. No one wanted it to be true, but they couldn't help thinking it was.

'Jake- are you sure you don't wanna stop and rest for a minute? I mean- you are still healing and everything.' Jared's concerned thoughts branched off from the touchy subject of Leah's motives. I was still in pain, but nothing I couldn't handle. It was nothing compared to the hole I felt without Leah being with us. Part of me was missing and she had it.

'Don't worry about me- I'll be fine once we're all back together in La Push.' And it was the truth. I knew if I could just find her, make her a part of the pack again, everything would be better.

'Oh shit. We have another problem Jake...'

We had just about caught up- we were about to cross into Texas and meet the others. What could be wrong? We hadn't smelled any other bloodsuckers besides the one Leah was chasing so...

'What's wrong? What is it?' I could see Quil staring at Rosalie- blondie looked upset. It was then that we came into the field that they were waiting in. I didn't stop running- they just fell in line, running with us.

Blondie continued with what she was about to tell Quil. "Blood. Its so strong I can smell it from here. Emmett and I noticed it when the wind started to pick up. Its Leah's, Jacob. And there's alot of it..."

I could have sworn that if blondie could cry, she would be. It must me bad. Damn it. I kicked it up, starting to leave the group behind me as I sped toward her growing scent. I could smell it now myself. Blood- everywhere. I phased, followed by Seth and the others- starting to call her name frantically as we neared the scent. She was fine. She has to be fine.

And if I could ever erase an image from my mind, it would be the one I came across then.

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LeahPOV

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Breathe for love tomorrow  
Because there's no hope for today.  
Breathe for love tomorrow  
Cause maybe there's another way...

I dreamed I could hear Jacob in my head again. I was a part of our broken pack again, with Jacob as our leader. Jacob was with Renesmee, but I didn't care that he felt nothing for me- I was happy to see him alive. I knew, as I looked at his smiling face just outside the Cullen's, that I could never have him. I was a plague- a poison that brought ruin to everything I touched. I had ruined Jacob Black, just like I had ruined so many others. It was a simple dream, in all respects, but it held so much more now. I heard his laugh. I saw his smile. I thanked my imagination for its flawless memory. I wasn't a fairytale. I wasn't even a main character. I was just standing on the sidelines, watching Jacob as he studied Renesmee's face, the same way all the other boys studied their imprints' features. I wasn't jealous, or angry, just empty. Somehow I knew this was a dream, but I couldn't help wanting him to look at me with the same adoration. I wanted it, but I wouldn't allow myself to even think it. I would not poison Jacob a second time, not even in my dreams.

And soon, the dreams faded as they always do, and I awoke to a secluded forest. Alone. The forests were becoming sparse now, turning into desert and grasslands inbetween tree cover. I laid still for a moment, letting the exhaustion wash through my body as I tried to ignore the ache that ebbed up inside me. He seemed so far away now. Farther away than he had been before. Somewhere I had lost Jacob. I let my thoughts end there as I got to my feet, ignoring weakness and suffering to run. I was getting closer. My savior was within reach now. All I had to do was follow the scent, keep running. I would catch up soon and it would all be over. No more unsatisfying dreams or stabbing pain. No more guilt. No more suffering. Who knew vampires could be so useful...

I took a sharp turn to my left, keeping up with the trail easily. His scent was getting stronger, more sickening by the moment. All my strength was draining as I pushed myself harder- I had to go faster. There was no escaping my turmoil, but I could catch up to my solution. With that, I found myself in sight of the creature I was stalking. Pale, sparkling skin in the Texas sunlight as we crossed a large clearing of tall grass, then broke into the treeline of another woodland area. Before I knew what hit me, the vampire had turned around and tackled me. We rolled around for a few moments, wrestling with one another. I tried to hold down my instincts, but it was too much. The vampire was tearing at me with his hands and before I could stop myself, I began ripping my savior apart.

I heaved ragged breaths, cursing myself as I stained the forest floor with my blood. There was little left of the vampire and it would take weeks for it to reassemble itself, if it even could. Damn it. I continued to curse myself as I felt my wounds continue to bleed. I felt dizzy and unfocused. All that and you can't even get bitten?! What the fuck Leah... My anger at myself was rising, but I caught notice of the amount of blood in the area. Why am I not healing? Perhaps fate was going to take pity on me afterall and let me die anyway. Even werewolf/shapeshifters can't survive and heal if they haven't been eating or sleeping- right? Maybe I was going to do myself in despite it all. I cursed myself again for fucking up with the vampire, then wondered what the hell it was doing out in broad daylight. I felt myself collapse under my own weight, a puddle of my own blood already soaking into the earth. I could hear my stuttered breathing and...

"Leah!"

"Lee!"

Who the hell was that? I didn't bother moving, my throat was slashed up enough that I couldn't easily maneuver my head. Too bad he didn't bite me- I came all this way just to let instinct fuck everything up for me again. I rolled my eyes- hearing something else muffled in the distance. I could have sworn I heard my name. Maybe I was dying afterall, but it wasn't nearly fast enough.

"LEE!"

And there it was. Proof positive that I was indeed dead. My copper skinned angel came bursting into sight with a look of horror plastered on his features. I didn't even feel it- death had come so silently, I didn't even know it had taken me. Yet, here I was, in the presence of a blessing. I half-heartedly wondered how I had died...had I bled to death- lying there all alone? I suppose the demon could have ripped my head right off when I wasn't looking. I smiled slightly as I slipped into darkness with the thought.

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There were no dreams, no nightmares- just a nothingness that I couldn't fill. A hole that wouldn't cease to exist. As I tried to surface from it, I was only dragged down further. I was drowning. I knew this feeling well. If this was death, I deserved every bit of it.

"How long?"

"A few days. She should be herself after that."

Voices. I seemed to recognize the gravely warmth and silky textures of the tones I was hearing. My heart skipped a beat, almost painfully. I tried to will the voice to come back, I wanted to drink in every word it spoke, a desperate relief from the silence I was trapped in.

"When?"

"Soon now. Her wounds aren't extensive and-"

Who were these voices? Damn it- get me out of here! HELLO!? Where are you?

"Can you hear me?"

Of course I can.

"Lee- wake up, hon."

Jacob.

"Jake..."

I heard myself say the word and a pain shot through me like a bullet. I took a deep breath, my eyes fluttering open with every intention of continuing my path to destruction, but I wasn't in a forest. I wasn't even outside. I was laying in a white room that I dimly recognized as the Cullen's guest room. Ah yes, the vampire was destroyed and I remember hearing someone. So had I died all alone in that faraway place- in unfamiliar territory where no one would recover me?

"Lee- how are you feeling?" A breathless voice startled me and I realized he was about to hold my hand but I had jerked it away. "Shh- its alright, you're alright now." He moved to touch me again, but I flinched, so he dropped his hand. My heart ached at the action.

So the vampire had saved me. He destroyed me and now I was with Jacob. That made sense. Sorta not really.

"Jake..." It was all I could say. I was dying to touch him- I was so afraid he was about to disappear, just like in my dreams. I needed confirmation. Then again, this was the best dream I had experienced so far- I didn't want to end it by reaching for him.

"Its alright, hon- Carlisle says you're going to be fine. He says you're healing quickly and this whole heat business will be over in a few days, it will all go back to normal. You just have to rest..." His lips were moving, but I couldn't comprehend the words. So I settled with staring at him blankly. "I should get Carlisle-"

"NO- stay...please...don't go- not yet..." I was pleading with him the moment I saw him stand to head for the door. His eyes were heartbroken as he sat back down at my side, this time on the edge of my bed. This was the first time one of my dreams had obeyed my command. My heart was racing from his proximity and I could smell his burning scent better than I had ever drowned in it before. I was staring at Jacob, memorizing every feature and preserving every moment. His eyes studied me as well, looking as though they wanted to comfort me, reassure me of something.

"Lee-" His hand moved toward mine, but I shifted away, cutting him short.

"Wait, Jake. Just- stop..." His expression was hurt and confused and I felt a stab at my insides. "Its just- why are you here? You can't possibly forgive me after- I mean, I'm the reason you died. How the hell can you even look at me?" I was disgusted with myself. My sun was brilliant, magnificent. I shouldn't even be allowed in the same atmosphere. As much as it pained me to push him away, it was my fault he was gone in the first place.

"Lee, hon- I'm fine- a few scratches, thats all. Troy's dead- its all over. I understand- I mean, if you're afraid of me-" His eyes fell dejectedly and I cursed myself again for making my sun seem darker. I was always so destructive.

"I can never be afraid of you. I just don't want- I don't want you to go..."

"Leah, I'm not going anywhere- I'm never going to leave you..." His hand folded over mine delicately and the warmth was almost too much. I could feel him. He was real. Even if that meant we were both dead, I was willing to accept that. "I'm sorry I scared you- really Leah, you don't know how aweful I felt- I mean, just because you thought I was dead- thats no reason to run off and try-" He stopped short, his eyes pouring into mine. "I'm sorry..."

I took another deep breath of his scent. "Death is better than I expected it to be."

Jacob laughed, a warm and relieved sound from his lips. "Idiot- you're not dead. Stop wishing you were- I don't like it. I want you to stay here, with me." His hand squeezed mine and I noticed the abundance of tubes that were sprouting from my arms, leading up to machines. I raised a brow, taking everything in. My eyes drifted back to the sheets before me as I sat up further, biting my lip thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry." It was all I could come up with, but it didn't seem near enough- a familiar situation.

"Damn it, Lee. There you go apologizing for things that aren't your fault again. You wanna apologize for being an idiot, fine. But don't think that any of this was your fault, because its not. So don't apologize for things you can't control." His voice fell off with a concerned tone. I settled myself with watching his features for another moment as he sat on the edge of the bed. I was blissfully drowning in his scent, not tainted with anything even close to death.

"And don't scare me like that again. I was afraid, Lee- afraid I was going to lose you...I just- I didn't know what I was going to do..." He trailed off, his deep hues looking tortured. He took a deep breath, his radiating smile returning.

"Let me get Carlisle, alright? He needs to have another look at you. I promise I'll be right back." He winked as he headed for the door. The hand that he had held felt unnaturally cold. And I was alone. Tears ran down my face with the realization that he was alive.

He was alive. He was alive. I repeated it in my head, but it still seemed improbable. He was alive and he loved- I stopped myself.

But he didn't love me. He couldn't love me. I wiped the tears from my face carefully, continuing to comfort myself in the fact that he was alive and happy and that was all I needed. It was all I would ever have. All I could allow myself to have. Because I am Leah Clearwater.

I am Leah Clearwater and I ruin everything I touch. I refuse to even wish that Jacob Black would love me. I refuse to destroy him a second time. So how do you deny yourself the one hope you have left for this life? Well, if your Leah Clearwater, you look, but don't touch. You keep your distance as a cold, bitter bitch. A harpy that will not allow herself to love, because love leads to destruction and you love him far too much to see him lay in ruins a second time, all because of you.

_I would not poison Jacob a second time, not even in my dreams._

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You guys don't know how many songs I went through before ending up with the lyrics for this chapter. I'm very picky about my opening songs, since they really set the mood for me in a chapter. Feel free to suggest some songs you like. But anyways, I had a hard time slashing out the ending to this chapter- I actually wrote it several different ways, rewriting it over and over so it would flow well into the next chapter that I have roughly outlined. So like always, let me know what you think. Jacob is still gonna have a little chasing to do, trying to convince Leah that they belong together... so let me know what you think. Thanks for reading :)


	8. Don't Dream its Over

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**Chapter 8 "Because winning a battle means nothing... when you've lost the war."**

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Remember all the things we wanted  
Now all our memories, they're haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye  
Even with our fists held high  
It never would have work out right, yeah  
We were never meant for do or die  
I didn't want us to burn out  
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop

I want you to know  
That it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road  
But someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know  
You couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on  
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder  
But I know that you'll find another  
That doesn't always make you wanna cry  
It started with the perfect kiss then  
We could feel the poison set in  
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive  
You know that I love you so  
I love you enough to let you go

You can't make it feel right  
When you know that it's wrong  
I'm already gone, already gone  
There's no moving on  
So I'm already gone

Remember all the things we wanted  
Now all our memories, they're haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye  
"Already Gone" -Kelly Clarkson

The room was quiet. It was still dark, but I could swear it should have been sunrise by now. My sense of time was off. Jacob said he was coming right back, but that also seemed like too long ago. Had I fallen asleep since then? I pulled the sheets closer as I sat up. I felt stiff, but surprisingly okay. I looked over myself in the darkness, trying to recall the events from the last several days- the past hectic weeks. It was such a blur. The chasing, Jacob's fall, my run across country...I don't even think I can remember what the vampire's face looked like. I had to give myself credit, though- my body healed amazingly fast, even for a shapeshifter. I was pretty sure I was ripped to pieces, now here I was, only days later- no worse for the wear? Damn.

I concentrated on the windows for a few more minutes before I got restless. Patience wasn't a virtue I had mastered yet. I pushed out of the bed and headed for the door. I stopped just short of turning the handle when I heard voices outside in the hall. I instinctively began listening, but as I leaned my ear to the wood, I suddenly wished I hadn't.

"Please don't cry, Nes- its going to be alright." It was Embry's voice. I could hear the shuttering sobs of the little halfling, muffled into a quiet noise.

"He can't be gone- not him, how could he? He can't be gone..." She sounded so torn apart, a familiar feeling. My brow furrowed at her words- so confusing and out of place. Who the hell was she talking about? She certainly couldn't mean that bastard Troy- they had never met. Right? Surely she wouldn't cry for such a dick. I listened more carefully, thoughts racing over possibilities- though I didn't know why it concerned me so much. Even so, that sickening feeling of worry bubbled up in the pit of my stomach. The kind of feeling that makes you paranoid and frightened all at the same time. I hung on every quieted word I could make out through the door, until I heard the punch that knocked the wind from my lungs.

"Why Jacob?! Why did Jacob have to go?! Its not fair...why did he have to..." The voice was cracked and angry. I immediately backed away from the door, as if it had just burst into flames. I stared into the wood in pain. Something pressed against my chest, constricting my lungs as if I was panicking. Take a deep breath. I reached for the handle and let light flood into the shadows of the room. I was slightly blinded as I hugged my body, trying to look hard onto the surprised figures by the door. "Leah- what are you..."

Her words trailed off as I squinted against my heavy eyes. I shifted self-consciously, my voice coming out raspy and dry. "Where's Jacob?" My eyes wandered between them as their expressions ran through an array of emotions they were trying to hide. Confusion, pain, shock, pity. All in mere seconds. The time seemed to drag on as they both groped for words in the silence. It was a simple question.

"Leah- ummm...why don't you lay back down for now?" Renesmee tried to force a smile, gesturing toward the dark room behind me. The worry grew- twisting knots in my stomach. "You're not well, let me bring you something to eat and then..."

"Where's Jacob?" I was firmer this time, trying to bite back the panic swelling within me. Where could he have possibly gone that he didn't want me to know about? Why would he go without telling me goodbye? What could be so important? Then again, why did I think I was so important that I needed to give him permission to leave...

This time, Renesmee covered her mouth with her delicate hand to hold back a sob. Embry looked as though he was in pain, yet pity was pouring from his eyes. "Lee- don't you remember? Jake is...he-" The words were choking him as he tried to spit them out. I instantly knew that he was about to tell me something I didn't want to hear. The atmosphere reminded me of the moment when Sam told me about Emily. I took an involuntary step back. My breath felt as though it was caught in my throat. I wanted to run away. I wasn't prepared for this.

"Remember what, Embry? Where's Jake?" I questioned cautiously. Renesmee suddenly couldn't hold her tears back any longer, turning around and running for another room where she slammed the door and locked herself away. Embry stood before me, struggling with himself, but it was too much. I backed up, my mouth moving to repeat the word no, but the sound wouldn't come out. Embry swallowed hard as he looked up at me. "Please Leah, try to remember...the cliffs- he- he fell..." I was continuing to back into the shadows of the room I had been in. Why was he lying to me like this? What kind of cruel joke was he trying to play- I had seen Jacob- I know I had. I felt his hand on mine- felt him touch me, I know it. Yet, I couldn't stop the tears from overflowing in my eyes, the gasping sobs stealing my breath as Carlisle and Seth ran up the stairs.

"Leah- Lee- its alright-" Seth reached for me, but I pulled away angrily.

"Don't touch me! Where's Jacob?! He's not dead- I saw him- he's not!" I tried to convince myself. I shook my head violently as they tried to soothe me, but how could I calm down when everything was so screwed up? I knew it was too good to be true- I knew I had killed him. Damn those dreams. Damn them all! I was losing my breath- I had already lost my mind. I fell to the floor as Seth screamed my name, but he just seemed to get farther away. Carlisle was holding a needle, but I just glimpsed it before I let go. My head was throbbing and it felt good to slip into the darkness. They were all liars anyway- Jacob had to be alive. If he died, I would die, too.

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_JacobPOV_

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I could have sworn that if blondie could cry, she would be. It must be bad. Damn it. I kicked it up, starting to leave the group behind me as I sped toward her growing scent. I could smell it now myself. Blood- everywhere. I phased, followed by Seth and the others- starting to call her name frantically as we neared the scent. She was fine. She has to be fine.

And if I could ever erase an image from my mind, it would be the one I came across then.

Blood covered every inch of surface in the area. It looked as though someone had taken buckets of it and splattered the forest. My eyes fell on the once silver wolf, now stained crimson. I dropped to my knees, afraid to touch her fragile body as I screamed for Edward. I knew he had heard our thoughts the moment we found a trace of her, but I wasn't sure how far west he had went with Alice. I didn't even realize I was shaking until I heard Seth's scream behind me. I heard the others hold him back, taking him away from the gruesome scene as I tried to collect my thoughts. Her body was practically in pieces. Her throat and face were so slashed up, it was a miracle that she was able to breathe. Her chest and body were beaten and ripped, but I could faintly detect her heartbeat, despite the fact that she looked...

"Oh my- " Alice came into the clearing with Edward, who immediately began looking her over.

"Edward- she's- you have to..." I couldn't even think straight as my eyes trailed over the girl that I loved. Her figure almost unrecognizable. I only looked away from her when I felt Edward's hand on my shoulder. His eyes were determined and reassuring.

"She's a strong woman, Jacob. Its going to be alright." I took a deep breath, trying to help Edward as he began to try and clean her up.

You can't die on me, Lee. We are meant to be together. I know it now- I can feel it. Damn it, you're such a stubborn ass about everything else, so I swear if you die, it will be the only thing you didn't put up a fight over. You just can't die...

Edward finished putting the last of the temporary bandages on her fragile body, immediately ordering Rosalie and Emmett to carry her wolf form back to their home in Forks. They swept her away from me instantly, leaving an emptiness that I hadn't noticed until that moment. Quil brought my thoughts back into focus by placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Jake- you and Seth go ahead, let us know how she is doing. Embry and I are going to stay behind to....well, clean up." He looked around at the chaotic scene of vampire parts and blood uneasily. I thanked them, taking off toward our home as quickly as I could.

Her fresh blood was in every breath I took. I was drenched in her precious liquid as I ran, my mind set on nothing but her. The exhaustion was catching up with me, but I tried to ignore it. The physical beating I could take, my body would hold together as I sprinted home, but my emotions were being drained with every thought of Leah. I loved her. I wanted to show her what kind of life she deserved- what kind of life we could have together. I wanted to kiss her- the way she is supposed to be kissed. I wanted to make her smile; laugh like she hadn't in years. I would give her every moment of my life, every piece of my body- in exchange for hers. I let out a howl, trying to release the pain that was building. I couldn't lose her- not when I just realized she was my mate.

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_LeahPOV_

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I could feel the sunlight warming my face as my head lay on the pillow. I shifted away- just five more minutes of sleep, that's all I wanted. I took a deep and aggravated breath as I opened my eyes, staring at my ceiling for a moment before I heard my mother calling my name. "Leah Clearwater- if you're not up in-" She came into the room looking surprised and frustrated. "Good- you're awake. Now get up and get dressed before Charlie comes over. For once I would like you to actually come down and eat breakfast with everyone instead of just sleeping until noon."

I sat up quickly as soon as everything sank in. Where the hell was I?! I looked around the room, obviously confused. "What-" I could feel the color drain from my face as my memory refreshed itself. I was in heat- and I was at the Cullens'- or was I in the forest? Everything was mixing together. My head was hurting again. My mother noticed my expression in the midst of picking up the laundry from my floor. When was the last time I had even seen my mother?

"Leah, honey- what's wrong? You look sick...are you alright, dear?" She dropped the pile of clothes and placed a hand on my forehead gently, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. She smelled like my mother. She felt like my mother, too. Then again, these senses had deceived me before.

I pulled away slightly. "What's going on? Where's Seth? And Jacob- and the pack...how- how did I get here?" My heart was pulsing quickly now. My mother looked at me a moment, her concern etching into her features.

"Baby- Seth is downstairs waiting for breakfast. Did you have a nightmare?" Her eyes were searching for my realization that I was safe at home, for that relief that it was all just a dream. My agitation only grew. I shouldn't be safe at home- I couldn't be- it wasn't just a nightmare. She laid her hand on mine with a comforting smile. "You can sleep in if you want, breakfast will be waiting when you're ready to get up." She softly caressed my arm and left the room. I continued to study my surroundings. Am I dead? What the hell is happening to me?

I pulled myself out of the bed I had known for most of my life, dressing quickly and creeping down the steps. I could hear Charlie already in the kitchen with Seth and my mother. It took a moment, but I realized they were talking about me.

"She still worries me when she gets like this..." My mother was washing dishes by the sink as Charlie and Seth ate breakfast.

Seth obviously had a mouth full of food while talking. "Just give her time, Mom- its hardly been two months."

Charlie agreed in a sympathetic tone. "I guess she's taking it about as well as the rest of us. Bella calls everyday and I still can't seem to stop missing her and Renesmee. But I think Seth is right, she'll come around sooner or later."

My mother took a deep sigh. "I hope so. She was so depressed when Jacob left for Russia with the Cullens. And now that most of the others have stopped phasing- I can't help but think that it might be too much for her..."

They probably continued on with their conversation, but I wasn't listening anymore. I climbed the stairs back up to my bedroom, standing in the middle of the familiar walls as time stretched on. I concentrated on my breathing, there was nothing else to focus on. Nothing was right. Jacob didn't leave with Renesmee. Of course I knew it was going to happen one day, but it hadn't happened yet. I was just dreaming again. Hallucinating, whatever you wanted to call it. My thoughts strung along in confusing patterns, turning over possibilities. The last thing I could remember clearly was Jacob's face- standing in the middle of the forest like an angel. An angel who had just discovered a demon, his face all twisted in pain and agony. I remember his death sentence- seeing him fall with Troy over the cliffs, their mangled bodies at the rocky shore below.

"Jacob...what have I done? Where are you?" I started to squeeze my fist, but the warmth within my hand was startling.

"Lee- I'm right here, hun." His whisper was soft and I could feel his cool breath on my ear. I clutched his hand in mine, trying to keep him from moving away. The tears began to pour before I could stop them, not that I could if I tried.

"No, you're not." I bit my lip, not daring to turn around and face my hallucination. I shook my head gently, knowing he would disappear without warning. I concentrated on keeping my eyes closed, listening to his voice.

"Please Lee." My heart was being crushed under a weight I couldn't lift from my chest, taking the breath from my lungs.

"Why are you doing this to me? Can't I just die..." My voice was choked on tears. I felt like Alice in Wonderland. Nothing made sense and everything was wrong. Jacob was a white rabbit that always eluded me, kept me chasing him into new nightmares. I didn't know if he was dead or alive- if I was dreaming, or just living in hell.

"No." I opened my eyes quickly to a new voice- the voice of an elderly woman. Jacob was gone. Again. Or maybe he was never here? I was no longer in my room or my house, I was back on the cliffs- probably the last place I wanted to be. I turned around to find the source of the voice- not surprisingly an old woman. What did surprise me was her appearance- dressed in a draping beige robe. Her hair was long and white, braided down her back as she hunched over in an elderly stance. Her dark skin was wrinkled, but the lines on her face seemed to reflect her wisdom instead of her age. I couldn't look away from her eyes, a beautiful blue-grey that seemed younger than the rest of her body. So bright and alive that they appeared to be laughing.

"Its about time, Ms. Leah Clearwater." She nodded her head once in my direction, a wry smile on her lips. "You've been alot of trouble to find, you know. I seem to be getting too old for spirit searching- I had a terrible time trying to keep up with such a young soul!" She sighed heavily. "Ah well, here you are. I have to say, dear- you've had quite a bit of complication in the last few weeks, haven't you? Though I suppose you've become accustom to that in recent years..." She stared at me with a knowing look.

"Who...who the hell are you?" My voice sounded flat and dead. As it should, I imagine- I had never felt so close to death as I had in these past hours or days- however long this ordeal had carried on. She let out a short laugh. If I had been myself, I probably would have told the granny to screw off, but given my current mental state, I stayed quiet.

"Oh, they were right- you are a ball of fire, aren't you? Well, you can call me China." She took a deep breath, sitting on a stump that was next to her small figure. "You'll have to excuse me, Leah. I'm not as strong as I use to be, so we only have a few moments to speak before I become to exhausted to stay here."

My voice should have sounded confused, but it didn't. "Where is here? I just keep chasing these dreams around in circles and none of it seems real. You're not real either. Its all just lies..."

She sighed tiredly again. "Yes, well most of this is just your imagination playing with your guilt. However, I'm here because you need someone to tell you that there is a way out of these circles. You think that no one understands, but I do. I know its hard, but you have to wake up- you have to face what's real. These things have a way of working themselves out."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you think I would wake up if I could? How do I get out of here?" Again, patience wasn't my strong point.

She chuckled again. I'm glad someone finds it amusing. "You might fool yourself, Leah, but you can't fool an old woman like me. You don't want to leave here. You know, deep down, that leaving this nightmare means you'll have to go back to the real world. That scares you much worse than anything you've punished yourself with here. You know how to wake up, you always did- you just don't want to. But they are waiting, Leah. You have to go back."

"Go back to what?! I can't even remember what I'm going back to! Jacob is probably dead, so what do I have left? What do I have to go back to exactly?!" Anger felt refreshing after all the emotions that had washed over me lately. Anger I could deal with.

"I could tell you that the harder it is, the better it'll be in the end, and that might be true. But it might not. If it were easy, every girl in the village would be an Alpha female. All I can tell you is that if the pack didn't need you, you wouldn't be a wolf. And to be needed is really everything you ever wanted."

There was a sharp sticking pain in my side now. "So tell me how to leave here then. Maybe then I can die in peace." My voice was tired and resigned. If Jacob was dead, I would die, too. At least then, I would no longer be left in this limbo.

"Follow the white rabbit." She smiled knowingly. Great- riddles, that's just what I needed.

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_JacobPOV_

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As soon as we arrived back at the Cullen house, Carlisle had already stored her away upstairs in a makeshift hospital room. Emmett said he had been working on her from the moment they arrived, which had been several hours before we showed up. I wanted to wait on her, to see her as soon as Carlisle would let me in, but Esme insisted I get some sleep. It was hard to protest when I was nearly falling over my own two feet from exhaustion. Seth swore he would wake me as soon as there was any change, so as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.

I dreamed about her. I dreamed we were back at the clearing where we use to sit and talk. She was laughing and the sunlight was hitting her at just the right angle. It was almost as if there were tears in her eyes. I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to me. When I woke up, the bed felt empty. I was alone.

I left the room and found Seth wandering the hallway. The poor guy seemed to look more and more like a vampire everytime I saw him lately. His voice was hoarse and ragged as he gestured toward Carlisle's study. "She's sleeping now. Carlisle said he isn't sure how long she'll be out of it, but she should recover soon. Apparently there might have been bite marks, but if vemon was in her system, it was bled out because of her major hemorrhage." Seth rubbed his eyes out of stress, a habit he'd developed lately.

I tried to give him a reassuring smile. "I'm gonna go sit with her for awhile. You go get some sleep- I'll let you know if anything happens. Alpha's orders." He looked at the door to her room, but reluctantly nodded and went to take his place in the bed I had just left. So here I was, alone again. I stared at the door that led to Leah for longer than I should have. I thought of Quil and wondered if I should check on everyone. Really, I knew they were all fine- the one I should be checking on was just beyond this door. I took a deep breath. I want to go in. I want to see her. I'm just not sure I can handle it. Then, without another thought, I pushed past the door into a dark room, moonlight splashing through a large window to illuminate everything in a beautiful glow.

She looked so beautiful. Even under all the bandages and gauze, she was amazing. "Lee- wake up, hon." I spoke softly, hoping maybe she would tell me I was an idiot for waking her up. Hoping she would say anything at all. I moved closer, taking a seat in an empty chair next to the bed. "Lee- how are you feeling?" I wanted her to rest, but I felt as though I needed to talk to her. I mean, okay- it is stupid and probably insane, but I needed to feel like she could hear me. I wanted her to know I was here. Her face didn't look peaceful like it does when she's sleeping- it looked as though she was in pain. "Shh- its alright, you're alright now."

"Lee-" I wanted to tell her I was sorry. I wanted to tell her how guilty I felt for leaving her. How stupid she was for wanting to die, just because she thought I was dead. Mostly, I wanted to tell her I loved her. "Lee, hon- I'm fine- a few scratches, thats all. Troy's dead- its all over. I understand- I mean, if you're afraid of me-" I didn't want to think about that- what if she was afraid of me, afraid I was going to mate with her because of this heat business? What if she was afraid I was going to leave her again? "Leah, I'm not going anywhere- I'm never going to leave you..." I wrapped my hand over hers and noticed that it seemed cooler than mine. I squeezed it gently, my chest aching.

"I'm sorry I scared you- really Leah, you don't know how aweful I felt- I mean, just because you thought I was dead- thats no reason to run off and try-" I took another deep breath, pushing the scene of her in the forest from my thoughts. "I'm sorry..." I could only imagine what it was like. Edward told me how pained she was, Jasper couldn't even describe the emotions that he had felt coming from her from miles away. To chase down a damn vampire? All because she thought I was dead?! She was taking a page out of Edward's book for crying out loud! I chuckled darkly, nearly on the verge of tears.

"Idiot- you're not dead. Stop wishing you were- I don't like it. I want you to stay here, with me." I squeezed her delicate hand again. "Damn it, Lee." I took another deep breath, watching her face carefully. "Don't scare me like that again. I was afraid, Lee- afraid I was going to lose you...I just- I didn't know what I was going to do..." Because I love her. She was meant for me. But I would tell her that when she woke up, she deserved that at the very least.

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Ok- so I'm really sorry about this late update. I haven't let this fic go, I just kinda put it on hold for a little bit. BUT here we are. Hopefully I can start updating sooner since I have quite a few of my projects out of the way. ANYWAYS*** Explaination time::

*For those of you who don't understand- (for those of you who do, give yourself a pat on the back) what's happening is: Leah has been dreaming, she started dreaming at the end of last chapter ( that little xxxxxxxxxx break where none of the POV changed, that wasn't a typo, thats basically where Leah enters her Wonderland in her POV- the only things happening in REALITY are in JacobsPOV. HOWEVER, if you look closely, alot of what Jacob said at the end of this chapter, was what Leah heard Jacob say at the end of the last chapter, if that gives you any sense of time, lol. So Leah did hear Jacob. Besides that- China, the elderly lady in Leah's dream, isn't just Leah's subconscious, but you'll have to find that out next chapter.... Reviews=Love. Thanks for reading.


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